Off to Germany . . .

Annie has been writing up a storm for Nest & Launch, which makes me extremely happy and increasingly anxious to dive in myself. It's the best kind of motivation. I've been a bit out of pocket over the last few weeks as I've readied Madison (daughter #2) to leave on her mission to Frankfurt, Germany. 

Here's the thing: We started this blog because we wanted to address the lives of families with older kids - what it's like to parent teenagers, what it's like to care for ourselves in these years and circumstances, what it's like to send your tiny, baby children off into the great, wide world. We've written about high school graduations, and leaving for college, and missions, and even engagements. What I didn't anticipate was the sheer numbers of launches and the resulting readjustments for them (and ME!).  It's part exciting and part downright disconcerting.

After sending Madison off to college and then helping her move to New York for the summer (TWICE), I've just finished sending her off on an eighteen month mission to Germany. She ventures out, comes home for quick respites and tune ups, and then she's off again. And, in many ways, I'm left here to wonder and worry and pray for the safe-keeping of my sweet girl. 

I think Annie summed up my feelings best in a comment on an Instagram photo of Madison and I at the Missionary Training Center. She wrote, "The bittersweetest." And it is. There was so much joy and pride and heartache all rolled together in the sending off. I already miss her like crazy.

I know this mission-thing is sort of Mormon-specific, but sending our big kids off into the world is actually rather universal. And now that I'm feeling like an old hand at the launching, here are a few tips from the trenches:

When sending off a sister missionary:

1. Shop online and shop early. Sister missionaries have super strict dress guidelines, so hitting the mall is rarely helpful. We bought most of Madison's clothing at Modcloth, Piper & Scoot, and a few things at J. Crew. The Loft and H&M were also helpful for tops, sweaters, and blazers.
2. Buy these shoes. I bought them for a trip to England, and my feet thanked me many, many times -- they are seriously awesome walking shoes. Both of my girls fought me tooth and nail when I insisted they buy two pairs for their missions. Jordan came home from France singing their praises. I suspect Madison will be on board as soon as her delicate feet hit the cobblestones of Frankfurt.
3. We bought this bag for Madison's scriptures and books. Jordan had a similar bag from Fossil and loved it. (Did you know they aren't even allowed to carry backpacks? What up?) Also, we waited to purchase until we received a coupon via email -- so sign up with Fossil.)
4. Check with family and friends for a camera. There is little use for a point and shoot camera anymore, so there is likely a used camera available at little to no cost.
5. Get a list of usernames and passwords for essential accounts. We ran into trouble when Jordan was on her mission and we needed the tax form to deduct her tuition (hello? we got audited on that!). Also, they might not remember their usernames and passwords when they return . . . so the list is doubly helpful at that point.
6. Do what you can to lessen the "build up" of leaving. Avoid lamenting that this is the LAST Chipotle burrito or the LAST bowl of queso or the LAST movie for 18 months. Just avoid the emotional and mental torture when you can.
7. Once they actually depart . . . do something for yourself. After dropping Madison off at the MTC, I skied for the next three days straight. It was exhilarating and distracted me from the sad parts of the leaving. I'm pretty sure a couple of movies and a dinner out would have worked well also, but I was in Utah . . . and there was snow . . .

If anyone wants to follow Madison's missionary adventures, I'm posting her weekly emails at maddiesmish.wordpress.com.

The last first day

“Much of what is said here
must be said twice...

Nobody will listen, it would seem
if you simply admit
your baby left you early this morning
she didn’t even stop to say good-bye.

But if you sing it again
with the help of the band...

People will not only listen;
they will shift to the sympathetic edges of their chairs...”

— Billy Collins, "The Blues"

Yesterday marked the last first day of school.

It's one of my favorite yearly mothering traditions--the trip to get school supplies, the night-before nerves and preparations, the first day of school photos, and the renewed (and always short-lived) ideal of the best-case early morning routine.  The milestones, though, they are whizzing by. 

I wrote once on Sam's birthday: "It's with a pocket of melancholy that I greet each of Sam's milestones. I grin and clap and hug and bake and (secretly, in my heart) cry a little. The crucible of the youngest child, I suppose, along with the fact that there are very few photos of just him in those early years. I did it almost from the moment he came home from the hospital--Holly Hunter style, in full sob mode: this is the last time I'll bring a newborn home from the hospital...the last time I'll watch the stumbling first steps...the last time I send a child to kindergarten."

Kids grow and discover and stretch the apron strings and launch their own lives. Parents support and applaud and nudge and work themselves out of a job. Let's all agree that the alternative would be uncomfortable--no one should literally play out the behavior of the creepy stalker mom in Love you Forever...sneaking in windows and climbing up ladders.

I'm so excited to see where this year takes Sam. We have him home for a bonus half year thanks to our move to Australia; I'm sure we'll all be excited and ready by the time rolls around to say goodbye at the end of the year. But I still reserve the right to get myself a microphone and a back-up band so I can belt out the milestone blues on occasion. "My baby done left me this mornin'..."  

p.s. Thanks for being my sympathetic (virtual) back up band--I'm moving on to other tunes now, too, I promise.

Summer uniform, Australia style. Yes, knee socks and shorts--it's a given here.

Book sourcing & matchmaking

library room designed by Tracey Garet via

Where do you go when you're wondering what to read next? I really want to know! I'm probably thinking about this today because I recently read A Window Opens which features, as a detail in one of the plot lines, the idea of doing home parties/trunk shows where the hostess serves as matchmaker between books and client. Which isn't a bad idea, by the way...

Anyway, here are a few of my go-to sites to find my next book but I would love to add to my list! 

Blogs/social media:

• A Design so Vast: Lindsey writes about life, parenting, & writing and, as an inveterate reader, frequently posts what she's reading, like this recent post of book suggestions for holiday giving. She's got great taste. (I think I first heard about All the Light You Cannot See from her.) 
• Shelah Books It:  I love Shelah's book reviews--she gives an enjoyment rating and content description so you know what you're getting and she reads widely in many different genres. Plus she's one of those readers who seems to line up well with my taste and preferences. Definitely worth subscribing.
• The Social Book Club: Instagram meets the old fashioned book club. Three friends teamed up to suggest, discuss, and post about a book a month. Even when I don't read along I enjoy following them on IG. 
• I always pay attention to all the recommendations that surface when someone crowdsources book recommendations on Facebook or Instagram, too.  

Bookstores (extra points if you order/buy your books directly from these!)

• Powell's  (staff's top five each year) -- they also feature authors' music playlists from when they were writing specific books. Fascinating!
• King's English (staff picks) --I heard about Martin Marten here
• Parnassus (staff picks)--Nashville independent bookshop owned by author Ann Patchett

Others

• Goodreads--Of course Goodreads is no big secret but I do love to see what my friends are reading and get some good suggestions here. Over the years I've learned which readers like the same things I do. 
• The Guardian's books blog hosts a page on what are you reading right now? the year's best literary fiction and holiday giving ideas.
• I like the Washington Post's book section, too. Here are their best books of 2015. 

What about you? Where do you go for your best book matchmaking? 

Edited to add these suggestions from readers in the comments:

• Indiebound (especially the best seller and next lists)
• Abe Books
• Modern Mrs. Darcy
• Magazine book reviews (e.g., People, More, Oprah, Time)

A few good gems

On to the weekend! 

Norman Rockwell, via Smithsonian

A round up of a few favorites from around the internet neighborhood:

I've been collecting a few patches lately and I got this one for Christmas this year in my stocking. I love it and I can't help thinking what four values/words of encouragement I would put on a patch tailored just for me--maybe enthusiasm, kindness, excellence and love? (Or, less aspirational but also realistically things to aim for daily: wake up, put on pants, laugh, take naps) These four are pretty perfect already, though:

patch via Best Made Co.

A brilliant personalized business card stamp

via Frankie 

Anonymous emotion sickness letters for the win

Hamiltines! (I think most of our family will forever think of Hamilton as our 2015 soundtrack. If you haven't yet caught the bug, prepare to fall hard!) 

via Casey Barber, available here

"What's the question you're putting to bed and what's the one that's just being born within you?" (Courtney Martin, On Being blog)

An old favorite: make stress your friend (love Kelly McGonigal's work)

The amazing, intricate work of globe making. Wow!

Glennon Melton on the best part of life: Sistering. "Find your sister joists and be a sister joist." (I also loved her recent post on three rules for surviving a creative life)

Finally, a hilarious note of advice to the mid-Atlantic states from the Bangor Maine police department. Stay safe out there, folks! 

Happy weekending! May it be full of things you love.

36 days later

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a screen, asking where the time went (my deepest apologies to Notting Hill). Are you having a similar case of time whiplash? How on earth can it be the end(ish) of January already?! Here's what we've been up to at our house (and I'll just admit up front that a couple of these may show up as posts of their own in the future):

I'm living without a phone (mine got stolen/lost right before Christmas) so I've pretty much jumped off social media and am rather off the grid, in general. It's an adjustment but it's not terrible. Mostly I am just too wallet-reluctant to buy another phone, ugh. My watch, computer, point-and-shoot camera, and landline are filling in pretty well for my smartphone in the meantime. 

I've been pretty immersed in wedding planning and prep (please send reinforcements, I'm in over my head!). More posts to come on this topic. I may not know the first thing about throwing a wedding but I do appreciate a good website project (Minted makes it super easy):

I'm still riding the boost of a terrific family trip to New Zealand over the holidays--forced family fun along with some (slightly uncomfortable but important) learning opportunities with everyone figuring out how to reconfigure as a family every time we get back together. But totally worth it!

Speedboats in Shotover Canyon

Gorgeous Doubtful Sound

Hiking Queenstown Hill

In an attempt to fit in as much as we could over our last and final summer holiday break in Australia, after we put the girls on the plane back to their universities in the states I joined G and Sam (miiiiiiiiles outside of my comfort zone and fitness level, to be honest) on a 4-day backpacking/hiking trip in Tasmania. It was spectacular, rewarding, and hard going now and then.  (Again, though, totally worth it!)

Top of The Blade at Cape Pillar

Looking down from Cape Huay

After that excitement we came back to routine+everyday life last week--digging through emails, catching up on various commitments, doing laundry, trying to get ahead of the weeds in the garden, and putting away Christmas. Hey, if a Christmas tree was never decorated, can it just be called a tree and kept up all year? Asking for a friend.

Which brings me to right now: I'm christening this solo weekend, while G and Sam are away on a scout trip, as my "personal retreat weekend"--making 2016 plans and goals and generally embracing my list-making, future-planning inner geek. Also staying in my pajamas far into the day, eating when/what I want, and streaming some Netflix. Because inner lazy geek, too.

What about you, friends? Catch me up on your doings lately.

And I know Sarah has had a very full month as well...she'll catch us up soon, too.

O Christmas Tree

image courtesy of Brae McDougald

Merry Christmas everyone! I'm about 95% done with my shopping, and I'm feeling the need to do some Christmas baking. I've been avoiding sugar for a while now, and she's been calling my name something fierce.

Last year, in the days leading up to Christmas, my good friend Jen dropped off the warmest, most delightful treat. It was a Christmas tree baked from dough and brown sugar, slathered in a gooey icing. My memory is that the night she dropped off the tree my family was away from the house, and as I sat watching a Christmas movie I ate the entire tree. Or at least most of it. I still think fondly on that evening. Don't judge.

Last Saturday Jen put on a baking demonstration for some ladies at church and taught us how to make the much-coveted cinnamon roll tree. She has also agreed to share her recipe here -- one passed down through three generations. Don't be daunted by the long list of instructions. Things start moving quickly once you get your feet under you . . . ummm, flour under you.  Also, if you scroll down, there is a short but handy video clip demonstrating the actual dough handling. Many thanks to Jen for her recipe and her fine showmanship!

Ingredients:

Dough:

• 1.5 cups milk
• 1 tablespoon yeast (plus pinch of sugar and appx 3 tablespoons warm water)
• ½ cup (1 stick) butter
• ½ cup white sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 5-6 cups flour
• 1/2 stick butter
• 1 tablespoon cinnamon
• 1 cup brown sugar

Icing:

• 3-4 cups powdered sugar
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• ¼ cup milk

Making the Dough:

1. Scald milk in a small pan over medium-high heat.  (Scald = heat without stirring until just before the boiling point, then remove from heat.)
2. In the bowl of a large mixer add butter, sugar and salt.
3. Pour scalded milk over butter and sugar mixture. Allow to come to luke warm temperature.
4. “Pop” yeast. (In a small dish combine yeast, pinch of sugar, and enough warm water to dissolve yeast (about 3 tablespoons).  Stir to combine and let sit for a few minutes)
5. When butter/sugar mixture is almost luke warm, turn mixer to lowest setting to combine and ensure butter is melted.
6. While mixer is running on low speed, add first cup of flour. Then add the eggs.
7. Add yeast mixture.
8. Continue adding flour gradually, allowing it to incorporate. Increase mixer speed as necessary until dough forms and pulls away from bowl.  Dough should be very slightly sticky to the touch (not sticky enough to leave dough on your fingers) and should feel like your earlobe when lightly pinched.
9. Cover and leave in warm place to rise for approximately 90 minutes, or until doubled.

Rolling out the Trees:

1. Cut the dough into three equal parts, form each into a ball, and then set those not actively being worked aside and cover with a towel.
2. On a floured surface, shape the ball into a rough triangular ball-shape.
3. Flour a rolling pin and your hands and begin to roll the dough, forming a squat triangle with rounded points.  Work the rolling pin directly toward each point in turn, avoiding rolling toward the straight edges generally.  Work the bottom points more than the top so that the base is wider than the triangle is tall.

4. When the dough is a reasonably nice squat triangle, about ¼ - ½ thickness throughout, stop rolling.
5. Melt ½ stick butter in a small dish.
6. Combine 1 cup brown sugar with 1 tablespoon cinnamon in a separate dish.
7.  With a pastry brush, spread butter down the center of the triangle dough from the top point all the way down to the center of the base.  The butter should form a thinner triangle than the dough so that it comes to a point at the top, but at the bottom it only covers the middle third of the dough, leaving the outer thirds of the base unbuttered.
8. Sprinkle enough of the brown sugar mixture over the butter, spreading it out with your hand, to cover the buttered area.  It should cover the area, but not be a very thick coating as excess sugar will ooze out and leave a mess when baking.  (If desired, you can add some raisins or nuts at this step).

9. Using your fingers and a small cup of water, wet the outer side edges of the triangle sufficiently so that the dough will stick to itself.
10. Fold the outer edges into the center, pinching the wet edges to seal.  Be careful not to let the wet edges dip into the sugar/butter in the center.  Once the edges are pinched, carefully spread the pastry back out a bit so that only the very center pinched seam runs down the middle of the now elongated triangle shape.  It should start taking on the shape of a taller tree now. 

11. Using two hands, carefully flip the pastry over onto a cookie sheet or piece of parchment.  The seam should now be on the bottom.
12. Using kitchen shears, make horizontal cuts from each side towards the center, leaving the center intact (don’t cut further than your seam on the underside).  The cuts on either side should line up directly across from one another.  The first cut at the base should be about 1.5 inches from the bottom.  The remaining cuts should be about ¾ - 1 inch apart, leaving a small attached triangular shape at the top.
13. Once both sides are cut, take the bottom strip on either side and fold downward, crossing the two strips to form a trunk.
14. Next twist each strip one turn downward, pulling out slightly and pressing down after you twist to encourage the dough to stay twisted.Once you’ve twisted all the strips, you have now formed your tree!!  Set aside and cover with a towel for about 15 minutes while the oven preheats to 350-375.
15. Bake each tree uncovered for 12-18 minutes, until lightly browned—careful not to overbake.
16. Remove and let cool for a few minutes.

This video is about Christmas Tree

Icing:

1. Put approximately 3 cups powdered sugar into a mixing bowl.
2. dd 2 tablespoons softened butter.
3. Add 1 teaspoon vanilla.
4. Add ¼ cup milk.
5. Beat mixture adding milk or powdered sugar to achieve a soft icing or thick glaze—you should be able to drizzle the icing, but just barely.
6. When icing is desired consistency, add green food coloring if desired.

Icing the Tree:

1. When tree has cooled slightly, (it should still be warm, but not hot), use two spatulas to lift it carefully onto a foil tray, or foil lined piece of cardboard.
2. Drizzle or drop spoonfuls glaze over tree with a spoon.
3. Lightly spread the glaze so it slides into the cracks.
4. Shake sprinkles over tree before glaze hardens (optional).

Serve while still warm if possible, or when fully cool, cover with plastic wrap.  Add a bow at the top of the tree like a star and give to a friend!

Hygge for the holidays

Congratulations to Annie's Lauren on her engagement! Young love makes me at once hopeful for the future and nostalgic for my own family's giddy beginnings. The pronouncements I made! My children would never play with toy guns (no encouraging violence)! We would never go to bed angry! I would always be able to fit into my wedding dress! 

Oh, pish posh.

My current pronouncements involve sure-fire ways to stay connected with my young adult children and to build a  welcoming homebase that will be a haven for them and their future spouses and children. So when an article about the Danish concept of hygge as "drama-free family time" crossed my Facebook feed, I sat up and paid attention. I knew a little about hygge from Annie. A long, long time ago (seven years to be precise), Annie posted about hygge on Basic Joy. Hygge, pronounced hooga, is all about cozy, relaxed gatherings that focus on enjoying the moment -- the spaces, food, and company. "The Secret to Danish Happiness" calls hygge a "shelter from the outside world." 

That. I want hygge -- the coziness, the sheltering, the food. I want all of it. 

During the Thanksgiving holiday, I explained the basic principles of hygge to my kids, but mostly I tried to keep the foundational ideas in mind while planning family activities. Also, sometimes I, ahem, gently reminded them when they were acting in an un-hygglig manner. Maybe I'm a bit late to the game to raise my children as Danish prodigies, but I still find the philosophy helpful in formulating a family atmosphere where everyone feels included and accepted. You can read the entire article here, but the basic concepts are as follows:

1. Come as you are. Be authentic. "Competition, boasting, and pretense are not bonding, but rather subtly dividing." So there.
2. Don't be controversial. Hyyglig time is not when we should debate politics or philosophy, so in this spirit dispense with any negativity or judgment of other people's ideas.
3. Act like a team member. THIS is the best one! Hygge includes everyone contributing to the event and to the conversation. Identify what needs to be done and pitch in without being asked. That seals it. I'm moving to Denmark.
4. Respect the hygge. Jessica Alexander explains, "Hygge time is about providing a temporary shelter from social climbing, networking, competition, and materialism." So don't do that stuff!! Really. Just stop.
5. Hygge time is special time. And because it is special, it is limited. By demarcating hygge time from other types of interaction, we can stock up on the warmth, love, and appreciation we need to face the outside world. Now that's what family should be about.

Generally speaking, hygge (and my study is admittedly limited), is about appreciating the moment and the simple pleasures of living. It's about the glow of the twinkle lights, the sweetness in a cup of hot cocoa, the warmth of conversation -- all absent of the motivations,  competitions, or worries of typical American modern life. And it's about helping others to enjoy those simple pleasures alongside us. 

So, not such a big order. Just erase 99% of the cultural norms I was raised on, and I'll be good. What about you? Can we start a hygge movement?