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A few good gems

While I'm relieved the weekend is upon us, we are all itching for summer to officially begin. We've got kids up late, kids working, kids swimming, and they STILL have to wake up early for school. Stop the madness!

Just thought I'd throw in a shout-out to Steel Magnolias. When the boyfriend came to visit we indoctrinated him into the SMC (Steel Magnolias Club). Jordan reports that NONE of her college friends had seen the movie, which I feel is a downright tragedy and indicative of the failing state of our cultural values. Recently, the movie was taken off of Netflix. Don't worry, my letter-writing campaign has already begun. So, go. Watch Steel Magnolias. It's chock-full of one-liners and makes me cry like a baby every time. "Laughter though tears is my favorite emotion."

And a few other gems:

  • I've seen this abridged version of David Foster Wallace's 2005 commencement address circulating in a few spots this week, but it deserves repeating. I'm always up for some wise life advice.
  • I'm making this for Madison's grad party. Just waiting on the fabric to arrive.
  • I'm also considering these awesome embroidery hoops to hang above the table. Although I might hang mine facing down.
  • I was drawn to this quote by Jeanette Winterson because my girls are facing so much change right now. On another note, Jeanette Winterson is an interesting writer who doesn't get a lot of press in the US. She falls under my specialty of 20th Century British Writers, so I've read her for work . . . but also read her for fun. She's a win/win.
  • It's getting hot in Houston. I'm excited to try some new summer recipes, like this one.
  • For you bibliophiles, check out this archive to The New York Times Writers on Writing. I love hearing about how writers work, what their process is. I read about their fabulous work ethics . . . then I go watch another episode of The West Wing. It's not working for me.

That's it folks. Have a fabulous weekend!

Getting ready for prom

It's prom week around here, so we are thinking hair and nails and long fancy dresses. Personally, I don't hold any idyllic, water-colored memories of senior prom -- mostly I remember a date who kept sneaking off and a very scratchy dress. Still, it's PROM. We spray-tanned just yesterday. Yep, I'm serious. 

I realize it's a little late in the game to be sharing prom tips, so you'll just have to file this info in the "just-in-case" portion of your brain. But it's a good one -- if you are a risk-taker.

Last year, with Jordan, I knew finding the right dress would be tricky. Jordan is particular about her fashion choices, and we wanted something that was modest (which is exceedingly rare in formal wear). So when she proposed ordering a prom dress directly from China I was willing to give it a try. There are any number of web sites with pages and pages of dresses to choose from. (We bought Maddie's from this one.) You can filter them by neckline, by hem length, and even by color. So far we've bought three dresses this way, and the girls have been thrilled with the results. 

When ordering a prom dress, there are a few considerations. Here's what we've learned:

  • Order early. These companies generally quote 4-6 weeks for delivery, and while one of our dresses came early, the other two arrived a full five weeks after purchase. Madison's was finally delivered last week (only a week and a half before the dance).
  • Measure well. Some companies ask for actual measurements, while others have you convert measurements to a dress size. Either way, break out the old measuring tape and be thorough. Each website has measuring instructions with illustrations showing exactly where to measure. 
  • Plan on alterations. Chances are, even with proper measurements, the dress will need a few nips and tucks to achieve a perfect fit. I've taken all three of our dresses to a great neighborhood tailor, who has shortened hems, tightened bodices, and even altered details the girls weren't initially pleased with. The dresses themselves are relatively inexpensive, but plan on between $40 and $80 for alteration fees.

I'll post pictures of Maddie's dress soon, after the big unveiling on Friday night. Cross your fingers for no rain!


Check out more dresses here, here and here.

New addiction

Okay, friends, have you or your kids tried the game GeoGuessr? (And if so, why were you holding out on me?!)

Fair warning: If you're not in the market for a new, time-sucking electronic addiction, you might not want to click over right now. On the other hand, it is fairly educational. And it appeals to the armchair-traveler-slash-amateur-detective in each of us. 

Basically, the game presents a Google Earth snapshot. It's like you've been plunked down somewhere on the planet earth with only whatever clues are in the photo to figure out where you are. You can follow the arrows on down the road, twirl around 360', zoom in and out (license plates are blurred out). Then you make an educated guess on the map where this spot is and you get points depending on how close you come.

Okay, I can tell I'm not capturing the essence of it here but trust me. It's a worthy time-waster.

The best part is that it's a blast to play along with your kids or family as you narrow down the location, make predictions, and take a virtual trip around the globe. (I apologize, my dear adopted Australia, for thinking you were South Africa. It was the desert-y village with cars driving on the left side of the road that did me in.)


GeoGuessr did not pay me for my gushing, nor do they know who I am. I'm just a fangirl and feel compelled to pass it along.

So long, farewell

This past weekend was my daughter's farewell. 'Farewell' is a Mormon term for when the soon-to-be-missionary speaks in church. Ideally, the farewell occurs the Sunday before the missionary leaves, but because of a host of scheduling difficulties we held Jordan's farewell a few weeks early. And because I like to celebrate every event with the trump of exhaustive fanfare, we made an entire day of it. Lots of visiting family (and one visiting boyfriend) converged on the church Sunday morning to hear Jordan speak. After the service, we all caravanned to my mom's house where she, my SIL, and my sister put on a brunch for 30. Remember, we are Mormons...that's pretty much just immediate family.

After brunch, my crew headed home to finish our preparations for an Open House to be held in the evening. And by finish, I mean DO A BUNCH OF STUFF. As you may have gathered from my macaron-making posts, I had settled on a French food theme for the Open House. This experience has yielded me an exceedingly close relationship with my pastry bag. The only downside with the French foods was that much of the menu needed last minute finishes, so I was cooking down to the wire. The final hour of prep found all hands on deck in the kitchen. We even put the boyfriend to work. 

I went with the colors of the French flag and a little gold thrown in for good measure. Coming up with a color scheme early on in the party-planning process really helps streamline procurement of the party goods. I'm not a big fan of the cooking, but I do enjoy considering the presentation. Some of the most time consuming part for me, then, is collecting the supplies -- cups for the fruit, tiny square, plastic shot glasses for the pots de creme, table runners, flowers, teeny, tiny spoons. But it's worth it people! What's a party without tiny plastic shot glasses?

Here's a blurry pic of the mini strawberry and cream eclairs we made by the dozens. (Seriously, over 100 . . . and not a single leftover). Eclairs are deceptively simple to make. I did all of the shells in under an hour. From here on out, we'll be having eclairs at every family function. Or until I get sick of them. Which will probably be never.

Tada!!! I went back and forth on the macarons about two dozen times.

I'll make them.
No, they're too hard.
I CAN DO IT.
No, they're too hard.
I can buy them.
I should buy them.
But they are $2 a piece!
I'm definitely buying them.
Nope, making them.

Even though my understanding and expertise of the macaronage did increase with practice, I'd say overall my success rate was only about 50%. I ended up with 150 total: 50 vanilla, 50 strawberry, and 50 chocolate. We flew through those 150 macarons in about 45 minutes. I call this "America and the Macaron: A Love Story."

And just for your planning pleasure, here are the deets:

Macarons: The vanilla and strawberry macarons use an Italian-style meringue. For the strawberry I tinted the shells pink and used strawberry puree in the buttercream filling. For the vanilla I tried Swiss Buttercream, which pretty much changed my life. The chocolate macarons are also an Annie's Eats recipe, although they employ the French method.

Mini eclairs with strawberries and cream: This Martha Stewart recipe is seriously easy and tasty. People were eating these in multiples. Make sure you have real vanilla beans on hand for the filling. I bought mini eclair papers, but found they fit fine on cupcake liners, which ended up taking less space on a platter, (according to my husband who is something of an efficiency expert in these matters).

Baked brie en croute with apple compote: My brother and SIL had made this before for a family dinner and it is delicious. I made the apple compote the day before and used frozen puff pastry, so this took like 7 minutes to put together. The only bummer was I forgot to thaw the puff pastry. If I had it to do again, I'd set a timer on my phone that screamed "TAKE OUT THE PUFF PASTRY." I did two of these...and there was not a bite left.

Bite sized Greek salad: Okay, this isn't exactly French, but I wanted something savory, and Jordan LOVES feta. And I thought they would look pretty. I wish I had a picture of these for you -- lovely little appetizers lined in rows on a square, white porcelain platter. I found feta for the best price at Costco.

Pioneer Woman Pots de creme al'orange: My SIL and brother made these. They did 40 and people were literally fighting over them. We put them in these containers and included tiny spoons, which somehow make eating decadent cups of chocolate even more fun. Like that's possible. 

Pain au chocolate: I originally planned on buying these from Central Market. But when I arrived at Central Market on Saturday, they had all of three on hand. I made a call to Panera, who obliged me with two dozen. I cut them in fourths, dusted them with powdered sugar, and put them in cupcake liners.

Fruit: I've seen these fruit cups on Pinterest any number of times. At first I thought the cups might be too small, but they were the perfect size. I included watermelon, strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, and raspberries. We originally put out 40. Then made another 20. We could have easily done 80-100. The cups are super cute and have a shiny coating that make them perfect for fruit. I bought mine here.

I also served Petite Palmiers and truffles coated with cocoa powder -- both from Costco. We still have some leftover truffles, which call to me from time to time from their shelf on the pantry. Do NOT buy these truffles. They are dangerous and evil. And I love them dearly.

And that's it folks. We have a bit more shopping to do, some serious packing (only two suitcases allowed), and then she's off to Lyon via the Provo MTC. If I didn't have an impending high school graduation to consider, I'd probably be bereft. I'm saving bereft for mid-June. Meet me there?

Wading in together

Henri Manuel

Henri Manuel

A cruel irony of mid-stage parenting is that--just as we hit these wonderfully and woefully more complicated years--the opportunities to get together with other parents dry up. We tend to get more isolated just when we need others more. What's up with that?!  No more helpful reality checks via playground chats with fellow parents while we watch the kids play. No more playgroup lunches, comparing notes and dishing out equal parts advice and reassurance. Instead, life seems to speed up. While every single stage of parenting is loaded with ups and downs (potty training, anyone? tantrums? sleep schedules?), what makes the tough days tougher during this particular phase is that we can feel so utterly alone in it.

That's why we hatched this little blog--to say "hey, you're not the only one." We really aim to celebrate the wonders and beauties of this stage and, at the same time, we want to acknowledge the reality that there are pitfalls--not in a heavy, negative way but in a supportive, I-hear-you one. (This is a no-guilt zone, folks!) 

With that in mind, we've added a new feature* over on the sidebar over there ----> so you can chime in with your own thoughts and concerns. Do you have a question that you'd love to ask other seasoned parents?  A suggestion for a topic to start a discussion here? Send them in and we'll pass them along (anonymously, if you want) via Facebook and on future posts, inviting other nest&launchers to chime in. We definitely don't have all the answers but we really do love mulling over the questions. Pull up a virtual park bench and think of it as our own version of those leisurely playground chats of days gone by. 

*thanks, Andrea, for the suggestion!

Leaving notes

Every once in a while, I come across an idea that makes me wish I could go back and start parenting all over again. (Like those wonderful yearly photos of your children in the same spot? Or monthly in the same shirt? I missed the boat on that 19 years ago. Sigh.) An archived article in Esopus Magazine had me wishing for a parenting time machine. According to the website, "exhibition designer Robert Guest has been getting up at dawn every school day for the past 15 years to write a note to each of his two children, Joanna and Theo. Included in Esopus 10 is a sampling of the thousands of letters written by Guest and collected by his wife, Gloria, from lunchboxes and laundry piles." Here's the text from one of them (above left):

"The world Joanna--you can't imagine how beautiful it really is. Think of the different places--tropical islands, snow-capped mountains, deserts of sand, miles and miles of green fields. It's awesome! Think of the kinds of weather--bitter cold - blinding sun - stormy wind and rain - cool breezes - warm winds. It's awesome! Think of the people in the world --black & brown, yellow and red, and white - old, young and babies of each. It's awesome! And just think. You get to be here in the middle of it all. So what do you do? You smile, you say "thanks" and you live! Love, Dad"

What I love about these is that they aren't just about his love for the children (which of course is important) but it's also about sharing his thoughts and perspectives about the world and life. (In a similar vein, this week Maria Popova shared poignant notes of motherly wisdom from notable mothers on her site Brain Pickings.)

Luckily, it's not too late for us to write something, even if it's not the fantastic, letter-a-day idea. Maybe a yearly birthday letter for starters. Or a well-placed post-it every Monday morning. Or a weekly letter mailed to your college student (or grandkids!). Or a running journal, just for that child, to be given at some future date. Just start where you are and go from there. Still, there's something magnificent to admire in the consistency and longevity of 15 years of daily letters.

In an age of wireless, intangible, in-the-cloud technology, I think writing it down--on paper, in handwriting--has power and longevity, more than the earnest lectures on responsibility (or does that just seem to be my go-to lecture?) or any shiny new gadget. Those tucked messages to our kids eventually nestle in pockets and fists and musty shoeboxes carried from home to apartment and home again to be pulled out, uncreased, and remembered, long outlasting their author. I know because I have a box of them myself. Treasures (or tray-sures, as they say in my hometown).

Summer traditions

Last night was our annual short-making session up at the church. Every year we make camp shorts -- moms, leaders and girls all come together in one seething mass of fabric, scissors, and ironing, which, somewhat surprisingly, turns into into 25 pairs of shorts, and a parade of women carrying their sewing machines into the night.

Let me explain: Each year the girls in our church (ages 12-18) attend a summer camp. This year the locale is very woodsy AND un-airconditioned. The girls will need to wear their most camp-y clothing. In addition, each year, the girls are asked to wear knee-length shorts, which is no small request in this day and age of less fabric = greater cool factor. There just aren't a ton of long shorts to buy, and most of us aren't willing to drop a hunk of cash on shorts for the woods. And thus, the homemade tradition. 

The cool thing about camp shorts is that anything goes fabric-wise. In fact, the louder the fabric the better. Camp shorts demand full reign of the fabric store. Nothing is off limits -- no fabric is too colorful or silly or kitschy. I still remember two pairs of camp shorts my mother made for me in about my 13th year. One pair was baby blue squares, each square featuring a different muppet baby -- baby Kermit, baby Miss Piggy, baby Gonzo, you get the idea. The other was made of red bandana fabric -- long, deep red, quintessentially Texan. I wore them to camp for sure, but I also wore those un-cool shorts around the house, to sleep in, to the grocery store for years and years to come. Even now, the muppet baby shorts live on in my memory as emblematic of my childhood -- a sixteen year old struggling for independence, yet stubbornly refusing to give up her threadbare muppet babies. In many ways, I wish I still had them now. I think they would give me comfort.

This year I coordinated the short-making effort for our band of girls. I bought the fabric (45 yards!) and patterns and elastic. I sent out e-mails asking for sewers and cutters. I lugged everything to the church, set up some tables, rolled out the bolts of fabric, and set to cutting. The miraculous part was the way the other women flowed steadily into the room. They set up additional tables when needed. They told the girls when to iron and when to shove elastic through the skinny waistband. For the first 45 minutes I had my head down and was cutting out size smalls as fast as I could pin and cut. 

Pin. Cut. Unpin. Slide the pattern down. And when I looked up, there were girls dancing about in fully completed shorts. Some were rushing pieces back and forth from sewing machine to iron. Some were stubbornly trying to sew their own, the sewing machine owner patiently standing behind, offering instruction. It was a microcosm of productivity. Not perfect productivity mind you, but efficient. And selfless. And kind. 

I hope my girls remember the kind women of the camp shorts. The ones who give up their evening and ask for nothing in exchange for their service, who seek out what needs to be done without asking, who put their shoulder to the wheel and push, even when they don't have to. I hope they remember the making. The ingenuity. The strength in numbers. The loud fabric. The chatter.

The hot summer nights and singing crickets.

When I was younger I spurned the sewing church ladies. I didn't want any part of such feminine bungling. I wanted to fly. I wanted to do something important. I wanted to cast aside the traditions of my youth and move on to better things, to greater heights, to significance. 

I never thought I'd find such greatness and significance in camp shorts. But it's there in spades. I think George Eliot would have approved of camp shorts: "For the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs."

What about you? What unhistoric acts have changed your perspective on the world?

The magic of a mother-daughter book group

Right before Lauren started sixth grade, our neighborhood librarian, Sharon, pulled me aside and invited us to join a mother-daughter book group she was putting together for sixth grade girls and their moms. It turned out to be one of the best things we did together in those middle school years. When Maddy hit those same years, we joined in another Sharon-led, mother-daughter book group. Those hours each month, leaning in around round tables in the after-hours library, were honest and illuminating times for me and my girls. 

It was such a lovely part of our mother-daughter relationship during those sometimes bumpy pre-teen and early teen years that I wanted to chat with Sharon again and see if I could share her with you. Enjoy this conversation with Sharon McCarrell, who graciously agreed to be interviewed about the magic of mother-daughter book groups and her insights on starting and running them. 

What brought you to young adult (YA) fiction?

I am not sure why I love YA books as much as I do. I wasn’t a very happy adolescent, maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe I’m living it over and over again and trying to improve it after the fact, or trying at last to exorcise it. As a teenager I wasn’t bookish, I wasn’t particularly motivated academically, and although I always loved to read, my adolescence was much more marked by my passion for rock and roll music than by books.  I pretty much hated adolescence, like a lot of people, and didn’t want to go back to it and think about it after I was finally free of it.  And when I started buying YA books for the library, I wasn’t that engaged in the library’s YA collection. But I started reading some of the books, and something happened. I tapped into the “me” who was that adolescent, and I remembered how it felt.  I started seeing how even as a middle-aged woman, some of the books reached me in a place I had put away and preferred not to remember. Maybe I’m trying to heal that girl. Besides, some of the books are just fun to read! I think I might have been hoping a book would touch an adolescent girl in some way that might make the whole thing just a little bit easier to get through.

How did you come to have the idea to start book groups? How long have you been doing them?

About 10 or 15 years ago I decided to really beef up the [YA] collection, in the “if you build it they will come” approach. And in an effort to try to engage more kids in reading them, the mother/daughter book group idea seemed like it would be fun. The book group has been going for about 12 years. [Sharon starts a new one every year with 6th graders and then keeps each group going until around 8th grade.]

One of the things I love about the books is that they are often stories that revolve around the same things middle school or adolescence revolves around: What does it mean to belong? What does it mean to be different?  Can you be your true self? In fact, what does it meant to be yourself? What does it mean to go along?  To refuse to go along? What does it mean to stand up for something? To make decisions for yourself?  To speak up? To keep quiet? How can you be a friend? How can you rely on yourself? The stories often speak to these questions, even if they are wrapped up in a story about someone in another time, in another place, long ago or in a place that never existed, or a place and a time in the future.

Anyway, for whatever reason, the books started speaking to me.  And I started to want to share them! I hoped that being in a “neutral” location like the library, rather than in someone’s house, would make it a bit less casual and maybe a bit more focused, and that having one “facilitator” might work better. It was a sheer stroke of luck. It’s been just amazing….unforgettable, really.

Why middle school girls? 

When people ask me why I like middle school kids so much, I really want to laugh. The middle school kids I interact with are NOT a cross section of middle school!  In the first place, the girls I recruit for my groups read so much that they don’t mind reading an extra book every month that they haven’t even chosen. They don’t mind coming to the library (not always every kid’s idea of the coolest place to hang around) in the evening, when they could be doing something else. They don’t mind hanging around there with their moms. They don’t mind talking about books in a group setting that is not school and is also not made up of people they might have chosen. There’s a little window of time when this moment occurs most happily. 6th and 7th grade seems perfect. Soon they will have too much homework. Soon there may be conflict with mom. These are extraordinary parameters…but then again, these are extraordinary girls.  And they also have moms who are not so busy that they are willing to read the books too, in the time frame, and come prepared to talk about a book they might not have chosen.  All I can say is…it’s magic.

Tell us some more about that magic. What’s special about spending that time together, discussing books and ideas?

Everything! The opportunity to hear the comparison of the point of view of a middle school girl in her understanding of the story with her mom’s is frequently amazing.  You know how you can have the best conversations with your daughter in the car, when you are both looking forward, and not at each other? This is like that sometimes. Often the girls will say something that they think about what happened in the book and I see the mom’s face go “wow.”  Sometimes the mom will say “when I was 13….” and I see the same look on the daughter’s face.

Yes! In my experience with two daughters participating at different times, the discussions become part book group, part therapy session! How do you lead discussions that help mothers and daughters navigate these transition years?

I often have conversations with the moms about the beauty of being able to talk about values or ideas in this non-direct way, when it’s a discussion about a character in a book, and what she might do or think, or the decisions she might make. No heavy “what would you do if” conversations, just “what do you think of what happened?” Some of the books have some hot button issues around the edges of the story that create an opportunity for a talk that is hard to figure out how to begin.

What do you think the girls and the mothers take away from these discussions?

"My hope is less that they enjoy talking about the books and more that they are laying down some empathy or human understanding--from the experience of talking with others about a person in a story or a connection that they might feel with or about a character--that they can bring to bear later on, in a real situation."

I don’t think I really have any understanding about what is the value of this whole thing for the girls, because they have a lot of this kind of thing at school. But I really understand the value of it for the moms, and for myself. It’s a little window into their world. The girls will sometimes bring up something that has happened at school or with a friend, and I can see them make connections from the books to real life. And in a town like this [a suburb of Boston], they have talked about books so much that they are pros at it.  But my hope is less that they enjoy talking about the books and more that they are laying down some empathy or human understanding--from the experience of talking with others about a person in a story or a connection that they might feel with or about a character--that they can bring to bear later on, in a real situation. Mostly when I think about middle school, I just think, anything has value that gets you from this point to a place later, where you can look back on going through it and say, “whew.”  Sometimes I think the books we read in the groups might be more valuable later, looking back, than they are when they are read by someone who is 12 or 13.

I hope to help create a place where they feel safe with what they think and what they feel, and I love watching it happen. I wish I could meet with these girls when they are older, and show them their younger selves, and see how it looks different at 16 or 18 than it did at 12.

Have the discussions changed over the years?

I’ve seen a change over the last few years, in some of the perspectives of the girls in these groups, in the same town. The girls seem to be more protected, more sheltered, more afraid of the world, and yet more unaware, than ten years ago. I sometimes hear someone in a group meeting say, “Oh, this couldn’t happen here.” And while of course they are right about plenty of the stories, it’s not right that in their sheltered worlds they have no friends dealing with divorce, with alcoholism, with domestic violence, with bullying. 

But I love their fierceness and their certainty. And I love that the moms get to hear from this girl who hasn’t yet gone into the minefield of teenhood. And I love it that they are putting these stories away for later.

You do this at night, holding the groups after hours after working a full day at the library. What keeps you coming back and starting another one, year after year?

I’ve been blessed to know these girls at this moment of their lives. They leave the [neighborhood] library soon after middle school, and they mostly use the high school library and the bigger main library, and I often don’t see them again. But I remember this particular time of their lives, and it’s such an honor for me to see them and know them, and their moms, for this brief period of time. I am not so sure what they get out of it, but it’s amazing for me, and when I’m not doing it anymore I think I will miss this more than almost anything else about working in the same library for so many years.

Thank you, Sharon, for being one of our favorite mentors and fearless guides in navigating the terrain of those years. We miss you. 


In case you're interested (or maybe considering starting a group of your own!), here are just a few of the books we read under Sharon's guidance:

Fever 1793 by Laurie Halse Anderson
Hope Was Here by Joan Bauer
A Mango Shaped Space
by Wendy Mass
Shiva's Fire by Suzanne Fisher Staples
Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin
Pictures of Hollis Woods by Patricia Reilly Giff
Chasing Redbird by Sharon Creech
Down the Rabbit Hole by Peter Abrahams
The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale
Firehorse by Diane Lee Wilson
Red Scarf Girl by Ji-li Jiang
Tangerine by Edward Bloor
Freak the Mighty by Rodman Philbrick
Uglies by Scott Westerfield
Silent to the Bone by EL Konigsburg
Does My Head Look Big in This? by Randa Abdel-Fattah
A Northern Light by Jennifer Donnelly