The wolf in the background
/A few weeks ago I was out on a morning walk in the canyon where we’re living right now. (We’re currently hunkered down in Utah, having left Abu Dhabi in early March.) It was a beautiful morning and, since it’s a dead-end canyon, there was hardly any traffic of the car variety but plenty of the bird kind. There’s a nest of herons up on the hills who perform a terrific morning chorus as they stretch their legs and shake the night from their wings. (I just looked it up—did you know a group of herons is called a siege?!) Canada geese and mallards fly up and down the Weber River as though it’s their commute highway. In the distance, up a side canyon, I even heard some coyotes call back and forth to each other. I thought Huh, I didn’t know we had coyotes around here. But there are moose, bears, and foxes up in the these mountains so I guess a few coyotes aren’t that surprising.
I walked along the canyon road for about an hour and then turned around to return home. I had just recorded a Marco Polo to my college roommate and decided to also send one to my daughter Maddy while I walked. (Note: I am a supremely awkward Marco Polo-er but I love doing them nevertheless.) A few minutes into my riveting description of the weather and my workout outfit, I had that tingling sense that someone was coming up quickly behind me. I turned and my heart stopped. It was a wolf. Or a coyote. A wild thing*.
Here’s an actual transcript of how I processed my unexpected visitor:
Oh! I have a…oh my goodness, I have a…dog or something…following me that’s really scary.
Hopefully he’ll go on his way.
Let’s see [flustered, trying to stay composed]…what else can I tell you…?
Um…just on my way along here [clearly distracted by the wolf and trying to stay calm]
and oh I hope it’s not a wild dog, Maddy [shaking voice],
I hope this doesn’t scare you too much to get but…hmmm…what else can I say?
Um…I want to keep talking so he doesn’t…I don’t know…I want him to go away.
Um…let’s see. We’ve been watching Parks & Rec and yesterday we watched the one where—okay he’s going away, no worries—where Tom Haverford is trying to get together with Ann Perkins and it’s Jerry’s birthday surprise…
So, yes, this was terrifying. As it unfolded I remember feeling so sorry that Maddy was going to get this recording of her mother’s terror and potential death but felt the responsible thing would be to document it so people could find my body. (Yes, I’m apparently a worst-scenario person by instinct. Who also, hilariously, turns to Parks & Rec plotlines in times of terror?) I immediately sent her a reassuring text saying “Sorry about the scary Marco Polo I just sent. I’m fine!”
The weirdest, most impactful thing about the experience, though, was watching that video afterwards. There I am joking and sauntering along and you can SEE THE WOLF APPROACHING in the background. The obvious metaphor is that we never know what’s coming, what events or diagnoses or surprises may overtake us. That’s pretty humbling.
But the more comforting takeaway for me was this: Maybe most of life’s wolves just end up walking with us for a few minutes—if we just keep going, keep talking, keep connecting, they eventually turn back to the hills. And we go on.
But, reader, I haven’t been on a morning walk since then so there’s also that.
p.s. Right afterwards I sent this follow-up video to Maddy. Just keep walking, guys.
*I actually don’t know what it was! After doing some research, I’m pretty sure it was a wolf. Or an escaped wolf-looking dog that had been living in the wild?
What wolves are you walking with this week?
