It's all real life

G and I finagled a quick getaway this weekend--a road trip to Sydney for about 48 hours where went to the opera, visited the temple, ate some good food and generally celebrated the fact that we've been married for 24 years. 

We caught The Magic Flute at the Opera House, with costumes and sets designed by Julie Taymor of Lion King fame (here's a little taste; it was fabulous). I love that G doesn't take himself seriously (exhibit a: this photo); he's enthusiastic, game for adventure and fun to travel alongside (and the very embodiment of our family's travel motto of flexipositivity).

One of our favorite things to do when we're visiting a city is to just walk and walk and talk and explore with some nice long stretches of people watching. We got a lot of that in this weekend with the perfect weather and surroundings for it. We ended up on this hilltop near the Old Observatory and watched the sun go down.

Oh, and Modern Family is filming an episode there this week and we even crossed paths with Claire/Julie Bowen. This was kind of hilariously appropriate because somewhere along the line Maddy's Aussie friends decided G is Phil and I'm Claire (I'm going to assume it's because we're American and maybe because of our coloring?! Otherwise, whatever. Do I have to be Claire?). 

G scored us a terrific hotel set-up, right across from the Opera House and at the feet of the Harbour bridge.

I think it's fascinating that what appears at a distance ^ to be just a solid white surface (I always thought it was made of stucco or cement!) is actually lots of little tiles laid in an intricate pattern to create the structure that is the Opera House. The cracks and patterns make it even more interesting, I think, and highlight the degree of work and planning and commitment for this undertaking.  Here the whole really is greater than the sum of its parts.

Kind of like a marriage, yes?

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Right before we left to drive back home, Maddy texted that she wasn't feeling so well. By the time we arrived, she was suffering from a stomach gomboo. Today she's home sick, fighting the nausea with sprite and saltines.

And so life goes. I'm tempted to say "back to real life!" but it's all real life--the weekend getaways and the sick duty. One (very short) minute you're on a rooftop pool overlooking Sydney Harbour, the next minute you're holding your daughter's hair back while she throws up. It's all part of the whole marriage thing we signed up for back in 1990.

So, instead I'll say: back to regularly scheduled programming! And laundry.

A few good gems

Welcome to Friday, the gateway to the weekend! It's sweltering here in Australia so we've been finding ways to keep cool, which mostly means standing in front of the air conditioner and chain eating cold grapes straight from the fridge.  And scouting out some cool things on the internet, just for you:

London-based photographer Chino Otsuka's "Imagine Finding Me" double self-portrait series (also published in a book) is delightful. She's digitally inserted herself into her own childhood photos; the result is enchanting and poignant. She says "the digital process becomes a tool, almost like a time machine, as I'm embarking on the journey to where I once belonged and at the same time becoming a tourist in my own history."  (I want to do this!). 

1982 + 2005, France

1975 + 2009, France

This article on how to handle the chaos of family life as an introverted mom had some good things to say: "I'd offer the same advice to an introverted mom that I would give to an introvert in a chaotic office environment: Make sure to schedule recharge time every day."

Jauntful is launching a fantastic new idea: a site for shareable, printable guides to the cities you love. I can't wait to try it--for sharing my favorite suggestions and haunts in places I've lived and visited AND (especially!) finding others' best picks. I've just signed up for the preview when they're ready and you can, too (via Swiss Miss).

photo via Jauntful

I  adore the huge monthly calendars and New Year's resolution posters Brittany (The House that Lars Built) created and posted for downloading (they're free!). Brilliant and big enough for all and sundry appointments, etc. I just sent the first couple of months to the printing store here.

Photo by Trisha Zemp via The House That Lars Built 

Send a traditional, classic telegram! I love this idea for when you can't make it to the wedding or graduation or family reunion. Also cool for a memorable Valentine message. (They also have invitation telegrams for mass mailings for weddings and parties. Love it.) I just wish the cute little hatted delivery guy brought them still.

I posted this on our Facebook page [insert unabashed invitation to come join our Facebook page here] yesterday but I'll repeat it here: I really liked what Glennon had to say about asking the right questions to improve our relationships. I think it's wise advice for any relationship but ESPECIALLY with big kids and teens. 

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In my ears:  How Come You Don't Want Me (Tegan & Sara), Let Go (RAC & MNDR), Riptide (Vance Joy), and the Fare Thee Well cover from Inside Llewyn Davis (Oscar Isaac, Marcus Mumford).

On my nightstand: The Goldfinch (Donna Tartt), This is the Story of a Happy Marriage (Ann Patchett).

Have a great weekend, all! See you back here on Monday.

Now dehibernating

Hello friends! I've been looking forward to jumping back in here, compiling mental lists and things to tell you, and yet I'm suddenly feeling inexplicably awkward and nervous as I sit here writing this.  It feels kind of like going back to school after a long break--will my friends still be the same? Are rainbow shirts/leg warmers/Guess jeans still in? Will we all still sit at the same lunch table? 

Anyway, I've started three different posts here but I think what I'll do is catch up a little on a few highlights of our last few weeks before I delve into some of the other thoughts patiently waiting (or more possibly shimmying and doing the limbo) in my head. Posts for another day.

Remember how we went to the US for a month at Christmastime? Because we were going to be there that long, we knew we would want to have a home base rather than be nomadic (or impose on longsuffering relatives) that whole time. We really lucked out with this rental--the top floor of a barn made into a lovely guest house that the owners rent out when their own guests aren't visiting. It was heated by this fabulous Swedish tile stove in the center of the cabin; we definitely earned our firestarting merit badges in that month. The kids each had their own lofts with beds and there was even a swing right there next to the fireplace. We'll definitely be back.

We wanted to fill up on time with family, since we're so far away from our people all the rest of the year. We managed to squeeze in a couple of local friend visits, too, but this one was mostly about getting our family fix. 

Visiting my grandparents at their house

Sam and my grandma, bookends on four generations

All of my siblings were home this Christmas--lots of movies and music and games and laughing.  This photo (of my brother Chris and my dad) pretty much sums it up:

We got to Skype with Lauren on Christmas. She sounded so good and seems really happy, confident and older. We managed to hold it together until the very end, when we valiantly tried to sing her a Christmas carol but it ended up a sad little mess of a song through our tears. I have never mastered the skill of singing through tears, have you? I need lessons.

We took the kids skiing for their first time ever. It took a couple of weeks for the snow to arrive but then we hit the local resort where G and I both learned. (I used Sarah's list of gear and it worked like a charm.) Skiing's tough--I remember hating it my first couple of times--but they were troopers, starting from scratch with a new skill/sport in their ripe old teen years. (We did spring for a private instructor because they were not at all interested in the bunny hill school with the little kids.) They really got the hang of it and at least neither of them swore they'd never return to ski again.

We also tried cross-country skiing. We were total newbies and it showed. As Maddy said, for us this could better be called "synchronized falling." Lots of maniacal falling and uncontrollable laughing. Not a good combination for being able to get back up. Maddy got a shot of this one, featuring G and me. I think we look like we are (or wish we are) at the beach:

And now, back in summery Australia, I'm surfing the wave of jetlag (early rising, early fading) and feeling recharged and ready for my mundane, stay-put, lovely life again.  I say a big amen to this Ann Patchett line: "I think the best vacation is the one that relieves me of my own life for a while and then makes me long for it again." 

So that's where I've been. How about you? 

. . .

p.s. Man, I'm paying the price for my willy-nilly holiday eating. It was the Tour of Food, y'all, and I was the groupie, number one fan, and tour guide all in one!  Time to pay the piper--and apparently the piper likes to be paid in green leafy veggies, moderation, water, restraint, and exercise. 

Selfie esteem

Once there was a man who filmed his vacation.
He went flying down the river in his boat
with his video camera to his eye, making
a moving picture of the moving river
upon which his sleek boat moved swiftly
toward the end of his vacation. He showed
his vacation to his camera, which pictured it,
preserving it forever: the river, the trees,
the sky, the light, the bow of his rushing boat
behind which he stood with his camera
preserving his vacation even as he was having it
so that after he had had it he would still
have it. It would be there. With a flick
of a switch, there it would be. But he
would not be in it. He would never be in it.

- Wendell Berry, "The Vacation" 

We just finished our spring school holidays here. As an early birthday present, Maddy accompanied G on a business trip to the states so she could (a) tour some universities she's in love with/dreaming of attending and (b) also visit her friends at her old school. Sam and I were on our own here so I gave him free reign (rein?) to choose something  as a consolation prize (if you can call it a prize, going somewhere with your mom when you're a 15-year-old boy)  and he opted to head to the Blue Mountains for a few days of hiking and adventuring. 

Hiking, yes, and instagramming/recording our way through the scenery. If a hike happens in a forest and no one instagrams it, does it really happen? As Wendell Berry asks, can you really be in a vacation if you are constantly recording it? It's a balance, the making of memories and the recording them.

I'm usually the one behind the camera (and prefer it that way, really!) but every once in a while I try to make sure to document my presence. Otherwise my kids will grow up and say, "Man, isn't it great my dad took us so many places. I mean, where's my mom? Did she ever even come on one of these things? I guess she just couldn't be bothered, huh?" Turning over the camera to someone else is an option, sure, but it's still tricky to get a shot you like and it's uncomfortable to ask for do-overs and adjustments (why yes, I do have some control issues, why do you ask?).

Enter the selfie.

I'm a reluctant selfie-er, really. It's a rare moment that I flip that camera around. As my friend Trina said, "Selfies...either a self esteem killer or boost." Mine are usually the killer variety, truth be told. And I feel vulnerable and silly even before I look at the shot. 

Look, kids. I was here. I was in it. Now, here, let me take a picture of you. 

Do you have a selfie opinion? How often are you in the picture?  Do you ever feel conflicted over the balance of living life and recording of life? 

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Some great reads on selfies (via Longreads): 

• Sarah Hepola, a selfie enthusiast, examines and defends the culture of selfies
• The Young-Girl and the Selfie
• Snaps of America (where I was reminded of the Wendell Berry poem, by the way) 
• In Praise of Selfies: no longer self-conscious but self-constructive
• Why do we take selfies?  New York Times blog

p.s. If you are in the Blue Mountains of Australia, don't miss the National Pass trail. Spectacular. Selfies optional.

Off time

Please forgive me. I just now walked in the door from a wonderful, sleep deprived, dirt-between-my-toes span of days at a Girls' Camp. Yes, it's true that many of you northern hemisphere-ites are at this minute preoccupied with apple picking and pumpkin carving and cinnamon-scented baking (I know this because Pinterest and Facebook tell me so). I get it (and, hey, I miss it); you're hunkering down for the colder months. But here in southeast Australia, we're just perking up to spring. Since the schools are on a two-week spring break around here, our church group headed three hours away to the gorgeous coastal town of Narooma for the yearly Young Women's camp. 

So the only things rattling around in my brain tonight are: (a) how fast I can get myself into a shower, (b) how good my bed will feel tonight, (c) how long will my left eye stay bloodshot and (d) teen girls are pretty fabulous. Please humor me with a few photos as a companion to Sarah's great post on her Girls' Camp experience in Texas (and I echo every one of her lessons learned):

Teen girls + camp = braid fest

Quiet time on the beach. (Seriously. Check out that gorgeous beach. It's like Ireland and Hawaii had a love child and called it the Australian south coast.)

Amazing Race time (Or, really, an 8K hike disguised as a game. Brilliant.)

Happy campers.

Sketching time on the beach.

A ridiculously funny game where one poor member of each team is subjected to shaving cream, thrown cheeto balls, and squirted water. Maddy was a good sport.

Bless you for sticking around through what is surely the online equivalent of subjecting you to a whole slide carousel of holiday photos. My brain will be up and working in a day or two.

I almost forgot--as a token of my appreciation, here's a fellow mid-stage mom's hilarious post about being the meanest mom on the block and drawing the line on being over invested in how your kids feel about every little thing. "We're on the same team but, dudes, that team has Captains and it's the parents."  I'd love to hear what you think about it.

Road tripping to college

I'm just barely returned from an epic road trip to take Maddie to college in Provo, Utah -- that's approximately 2800 miles round trip. Originally, our plan had been for Sterling and I to fly out with Maddie, get her settled, and then fly back home. But then we found out that our younger kids' first day of school was two days BEFORE Maddie could even move into her dorm. And then there was the matter of the STUFF. Airline baggage restrictions are annoying aplenty when you are going on vacation. Bringing an entire year's worth of super important belongings? It's sketchy. 

The lucky part was that my nephew was going to the same university. And my fun-loving SIL needed to move him and his ginormous computer tower to the exact same place. And thus, the road trip was born.

Unlike trips of younger days, when my husband would convince me to drive straight through (24 hours), Debbie and I planned ahead and booked hotel rooms in Albuquerque. Yep, this was a trip planned and executed by women. We had maps (both electronic and paper), we made frequent pit stops, we stayed at a hotel, we even stopped at each and every sign indicating we were entering a new state -- FOR PICTURES. [Note: This is not to say I don't love traveling with my hubs. He's pretty famous for doing all of the driving.] But we did spend about 20 minutes in Clovis, driving up and down the main road, Internet researching a good place to eat. Who does that? Women dedicated to good road trip eats. That's who!

In between food procurement and picture stops, we talked, and laughed, and marveled at how easy it is to travel with two 18 year-olds. (Except for that one time Maddie passed her fruit snacks to the front because she couldn't open it. And I totally teased her about who would open her fruit snacks at college. But then I couldn't open it myself. Huh.)

Guys, the drive from Texas to Utah is breathtaking. It's 97% wide open spaces -- rolling fields and farmhouses, desert plains studded with scrubby bushes -- framed by a series of plateaus, winding canyon roads hemmed in with red rock. I can't help but wish I could live out in that lone beauty. Just a small cabin, a four-wheel drive vehicle, and Amazon Prime.

The bonus is that I traveled the same roads, daydreamed about the same plateaus, stopped at the same diners and gas stations when I was a hopeful 18 year-old college student. It doesn't seem so long ago really. The trip has become a pilgrimage of sorts, traveling back through time in a way, sharing my experiences with my own daughter, looking forward to her adventures. 

And then there's also knowing she's only a three-hour plane ride away. That works too. 

If you go with big kids: New York City

Last summer I was able to take Jordan along on a work trip, which made me realize just how valuable one-on-one time is -- particularly with my babes about to fly the coop. If you haven't yet arrived at senior year, let me just warn you -- THEY ARE NEVER HOME. Between school, extracurriculars, friends, and the fact that they can drive, less and less time is spent eating after-school-chocolate-chip-cookies up to the kitchen island (although they do appreciate snatching up a handful as they head to the next activity).  You have to corral those older kids. Entice them even. In this case -- I had Maddie's complete attention in a small studio in Brooklyn. I'm telling you -- we took on the city!

To do & see:

Okay, this is kind of a silly list because you probably already know what you want to see. Perhaps I should label it "What we did." 

Wander through Washington Square Park, particularly if your daughter's very favorite movie is August Rush. 

Check out the wonders of FAO Schwartz. Don't forget to dance on the BIG piano.

Join in on a scavenger hunt / secret mission / theater experience on the streets of NYC. I'd seen a couple reviews of Accomplice before our trip and thought it might be a fun way to see more of the city. The actors were incredible and kept us guessing (and moving). We walked through Chinatown and Little Italy and performed some pretty important tasks for a NYC crime boss. This is a GREAT activity for big kids (and adults).

Don't miss The Strand Bookstore.  I have a penchant for seeking out historic bookstores, and I'm never disappointed. The Strand is a NYC institution and has an impressive stock of used books. 

Visit Mood. Maddie is a big Project Runway fan. Plus, we both wanted to bring home a "Thank You Mood" t-shirt for Rebecca. Just a heads up: There is NO sign on the building. We must have walked up and down 37th street six times before we clued in that the store was on the third floor. You also have to be quite determined to find the (unmarked) stairs or wait for the elevator (run by an attendant). But we persevered! 

Ride the Staten Island Ferry. If you plan far enough in advance, you can get tickets to go to the crown of The Statue of Liberty. Or, if you are allergic to crowded, touristy venues (like me), you can talk your kids into viewing the statue from the ferry. I found it lovely (and easy).

Shop. Even though I'm not a shopper by nature, Maddie does enjoy hunting for the perfect outfit. We wandered through streets of boutiques, but our favorite new-to-us store was Brooklyn Industries. 

If it's raining (as it was for us one of the days), Grand Central Station is a fun destination. The building is gorgeous. And, more importantly for big kids, the food court is tasty (Shake Shack is coming and Magnolia Bakery is already there). And the Whispering Wall DOES work. I worked as tour guide for a few minutes for doubting folks.  Just stand with your face to the corner and tilt your head up.

See a show. (I know. No need to list this one.) At Maddie's request, I booked tickets for Wicked a few weeks before we left. The show did not disappoint. We were tempted to stand in line at one of the TKTS booth to try for Matilda tickets, but there was just so much we wanted to do. If I was to stand in line, I'd try for the South Street Seaport booth. When we walked by in the afternoon, there were only about 6 people in line!

Go to a concert. We looked around at what was playing during our dates, and there was TONS. Maddie really, really, really wanted to see Justin Bieber, who just happened to be playing about a mile from where we were staying. I considered it cultural research. I mean, he's a good singer and all . . . but the frenzy? It was inexplicable. So, yeah. Went to see the Biebs. 

Hobble to Central Park. We didn't make it to Central Park until the last day of our trip. By this point we had walked approximately 32 miles, and our legs were TIRED. So when a very nice and persistent student made me a deal on a pedicab tour, I immediately said YES. It was a pleasant hour-long ride through the park, and our guide pointed out all the important landmarks/film locations. He even stopped a number of times to let us wander around and take pictures. Well worth the money for our weary bones.

Don't miss out on the Brooklyn Flea!! I'd been before with a group of girlfriends and loved it. It was walking distance from our apartment, so we felt like real locals strolling down to the flea, eating a bit of breakfast, and pawing through the vintage treasures. If only I could have taken some of that Midcentury Modern furniture on the plane! 

To eat: 

This list obviously does little justice to the culinary mecca that is NYC. But my big kid (Madison) was more interested in shopping and doing, rather than spending large amounts of time in restaurants. This was fine. I was perfectly happy sampling baked goods up and down the island.

Our favorite find was a tiny market/cafe a few blocks from our apartment: Choice Market in Brooklyn (318 Lafayette Ave.). They had incredible breakfasts and baked goods. We seriously ate breakfast there every day.

Shake Shack. Need I say more? I'm convinced Shake Shack is the best burger around. I pray regularly that a Shake Shack never opens within 100 miles of my house because I COULD. NOT. RESIST. If you've never been, try out the Madison Square Park location. It's the original, and you get to eat outside under a big tree.  

Molly's Cupcakes. Several people recommended Molly's as better than Magnolia Bakery, and it's just around the corner from Washington Square Park.  It was a tasty break for sure.

Doughnut Plant. I've drooled over Doughnut Plant on the Internet for a good long time now. I had the coconut lime. Maddie had some sort of chocolate cake monstrosity. WELL. WORTH. the CALORIES. 

One night we ordered in -- it seemed the New York thing to do. We both really enjoyed the food (Thai) and the rest. 

To sleep: 

We stayed in Brooklyn (Fort Greene neighborhood) in a 800 square foot apartment I found on VRBO. I'd stayed in Manhattan before, but I thought it might be fun to check out the neighborhood vibe. It was a great home base -- spacious, and with all the comforts of home. We've done VRBO at least half a dozen times, and we've always had good experiences. (Plus, it's cheaper than a hotel.) Two really nice ladies sitting next to us at Justin Bieber made a convincing argument for Astoria, Queens. Maybe next time?

To transport: 

One of the great things about NYC is that you don't need a car. We took a cab from LaGuardia to the apartment, and a car service from the apartment back to the airport. Other than that it was the subway and our own two feet.  (Bring good shoes!)

A few notes about the subway:

Google Maps gives great subway directions, but the walking directions TO and FROM each station were somewhat dicey. The problem is that a single station might have two or three entrances/exits, and you don't know which exit Google Maps assumes you take.  We found it easiest to switch to the maps on the iPhone for any walking directions. [This also meant we were often looking for a plug to recharge our phones!]

For vacation purposes, I'd recommend buying the seven day unlimited subway pass (unless you will use the subway two days or less). It costs $30 for a seven day unlimited or $2.50 per ride. We were easily spending more than $10 a day, and with the unlimited pass you don't have to monitor your account.

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This was only my second trip to NYC. I know some of you out there are bona fide experts. Feel free to add any suggestions in the comments.

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Things I learned:

Starbucks allows the public to use their bathrooms. A million thanks to Starbucks.

When your big kid(s) start dragging, it might be time to stop by a cafe or coffee shop, order up a smoothie, and give everyone some rest.  Recharging is super important.

Maddie and I both took up CandyCrush on the subway. It was a fun distraction and alleviated boredom during wait times. (Don't worry, there was plenty of time for conversation too.) 

Double check your tickets before leaving home! Our only real hitch of the trip happened at the Justin Bieber concert. When we arrived at the stadium, I pulled the tickets (I'd printed at home) out of my purse. I handed Madison her ticket, and when I looked down at mine . . . it was a map of Manhattan!! I had to leave Maddie at the concert (didn't want her to miss the Bieb's entrance), walk back to the subway, ride two stops home, grab the right piece of paper, and then trek back. I was a sweaty mess by the time I made it back. Ugh.