The magic of a mother-daughter book group

Right before Lauren started sixth grade, our neighborhood librarian, Sharon, pulled me aside and invited us to join a mother-daughter book group she was putting together for sixth grade girls and their moms. It turned out to be one of the best things we did together in those middle school years. When Maddy hit those same years, we joined in another Sharon-led, mother-daughter book group. Those hours each month, leaning in around round tables in the after-hours library, were honest and illuminating times for me and my girls. 

It was such a lovely part of our mother-daughter relationship during those sometimes bumpy pre-teen and early teen years that I wanted to chat with Sharon again and see if I could share her with you. Enjoy this conversation with Sharon McCarrell, who graciously agreed to be interviewed about the magic of mother-daughter book groups and her insights on starting and running them. 

What brought you to young adult (YA) fiction?

I am not sure why I love YA books as much as I do. I wasn’t a very happy adolescent, maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe I’m living it over and over again and trying to improve it after the fact, or trying at last to exorcise it. As a teenager I wasn’t bookish, I wasn’t particularly motivated academically, and although I always loved to read, my adolescence was much more marked by my passion for rock and roll music than by books.  I pretty much hated adolescence, like a lot of people, and didn’t want to go back to it and think about it after I was finally free of it.  And when I started buying YA books for the library, I wasn’t that engaged in the library’s YA collection. But I started reading some of the books, and something happened. I tapped into the “me” who was that adolescent, and I remembered how it felt.  I started seeing how even as a middle-aged woman, some of the books reached me in a place I had put away and preferred not to remember. Maybe I’m trying to heal that girl. Besides, some of the books are just fun to read! I think I might have been hoping a book would touch an adolescent girl in some way that might make the whole thing just a little bit easier to get through.

How did you come to have the idea to start book groups? How long have you been doing them?

About 10 or 15 years ago I decided to really beef up the [YA] collection, in the “if you build it they will come” approach. And in an effort to try to engage more kids in reading them, the mother/daughter book group idea seemed like it would be fun. The book group has been going for about 12 years. [Sharon starts a new one every year with 6th graders and then keeps each group going until around 8th grade.]

One of the things I love about the books is that they are often stories that revolve around the same things middle school or adolescence revolves around: What does it mean to belong? What does it mean to be different?  Can you be your true self? In fact, what does it meant to be yourself? What does it mean to go along?  To refuse to go along? What does it mean to stand up for something? To make decisions for yourself?  To speak up? To keep quiet? How can you be a friend? How can you rely on yourself? The stories often speak to these questions, even if they are wrapped up in a story about someone in another time, in another place, long ago or in a place that never existed, or a place and a time in the future.

Anyway, for whatever reason, the books started speaking to me.  And I started to want to share them! I hoped that being in a “neutral” location like the library, rather than in someone’s house, would make it a bit less casual and maybe a bit more focused, and that having one “facilitator” might work better. It was a sheer stroke of luck. It’s been just amazing….unforgettable, really.

Why middle school girls? 

When people ask me why I like middle school kids so much, I really want to laugh. The middle school kids I interact with are NOT a cross section of middle school!  In the first place, the girls I recruit for my groups read so much that they don’t mind reading an extra book every month that they haven’t even chosen. They don’t mind coming to the library (not always every kid’s idea of the coolest place to hang around) in the evening, when they could be doing something else. They don’t mind hanging around there with their moms. They don’t mind talking about books in a group setting that is not school and is also not made up of people they might have chosen. There’s a little window of time when this moment occurs most happily. 6th and 7th grade seems perfect. Soon they will have too much homework. Soon there may be conflict with mom. These are extraordinary parameters…but then again, these are extraordinary girls.  And they also have moms who are not so busy that they are willing to read the books too, in the time frame, and come prepared to talk about a book they might not have chosen.  All I can say is…it’s magic.

Tell us some more about that magic. What’s special about spending that time together, discussing books and ideas?

Everything! The opportunity to hear the comparison of the point of view of a middle school girl in her understanding of the story with her mom’s is frequently amazing.  You know how you can have the best conversations with your daughter in the car, when you are both looking forward, and not at each other? This is like that sometimes. Often the girls will say something that they think about what happened in the book and I see the mom’s face go “wow.”  Sometimes the mom will say “when I was 13….” and I see the same look on the daughter’s face.

Yes! In my experience with two daughters participating at different times, the discussions become part book group, part therapy session! How do you lead discussions that help mothers and daughters navigate these transition years?

I often have conversations with the moms about the beauty of being able to talk about values or ideas in this non-direct way, when it’s a discussion about a character in a book, and what she might do or think, or the decisions she might make. No heavy “what would you do if” conversations, just “what do you think of what happened?” Some of the books have some hot button issues around the edges of the story that create an opportunity for a talk that is hard to figure out how to begin.

What do you think the girls and the mothers take away from these discussions?

"My hope is less that they enjoy talking about the books and more that they are laying down some empathy or human understanding--from the experience of talking with others about a person in a story or a connection that they might feel with or about a character--that they can bring to bear later on, in a real situation."

I don’t think I really have any understanding about what is the value of this whole thing for the girls, because they have a lot of this kind of thing at school. But I really understand the value of it for the moms, and for myself. It’s a little window into their world. The girls will sometimes bring up something that has happened at school or with a friend, and I can see them make connections from the books to real life. And in a town like this [a suburb of Boston], they have talked about books so much that they are pros at it.  But my hope is less that they enjoy talking about the books and more that they are laying down some empathy or human understanding--from the experience of talking with others about a person in a story or a connection that they might feel with or about a character--that they can bring to bear later on, in a real situation. Mostly when I think about middle school, I just think, anything has value that gets you from this point to a place later, where you can look back on going through it and say, “whew.”  Sometimes I think the books we read in the groups might be more valuable later, looking back, than they are when they are read by someone who is 12 or 13.

I hope to help create a place where they feel safe with what they think and what they feel, and I love watching it happen. I wish I could meet with these girls when they are older, and show them their younger selves, and see how it looks different at 16 or 18 than it did at 12.

Have the discussions changed over the years?

I’ve seen a change over the last few years, in some of the perspectives of the girls in these groups, in the same town. The girls seem to be more protected, more sheltered, more afraid of the world, and yet more unaware, than ten years ago. I sometimes hear someone in a group meeting say, “Oh, this couldn’t happen here.” And while of course they are right about plenty of the stories, it’s not right that in their sheltered worlds they have no friends dealing with divorce, with alcoholism, with domestic violence, with bullying. 

But I love their fierceness and their certainty. And I love that the moms get to hear from this girl who hasn’t yet gone into the minefield of teenhood. And I love it that they are putting these stories away for later.

You do this at night, holding the groups after hours after working a full day at the library. What keeps you coming back and starting another one, year after year?

I’ve been blessed to know these girls at this moment of their lives. They leave the [neighborhood] library soon after middle school, and they mostly use the high school library and the bigger main library, and I often don’t see them again. But I remember this particular time of their lives, and it’s such an honor for me to see them and know them, and their moms, for this brief period of time. I am not so sure what they get out of it, but it’s amazing for me, and when I’m not doing it anymore I think I will miss this more than almost anything else about working in the same library for so many years.

Thank you, Sharon, for being one of our favorite mentors and fearless guides in navigating the terrain of those years. We miss you. 

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In case you're interested (or maybe considering starting a group of your own!), here are just a few of the books we read under Sharon's guidance:

Fever 1793 by Laurie Halse Anderson
​Hope Was Here by Joan Bauer
​A Mango Shaped Space by Wendy Mass
​Shiva's Fire by Suzanne Fisher Staples
​Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin
​Pictures of Hollis Woods by Patricia Reilly Giff
​Chasing Redbird by Sharon Creech
​Down the Rabbit Hole by Peter Abrahams
​The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale
​Firehorse by Diane Lee Wilson
​Red Scarf Girl by Ji-li Jiang
​Tangerine by Edward Bloor
​Freak the Mighty by Rodman Philbrick
​Uglies by Scott Westerfield
​​Silent to the Bone by EL Konigsburg
​​Does My Head Look Big in This? by Randa Abdel-Fattah
​A Northern Light by Jennifer Donnelly

grad trips

Jordan may kill me for posting this picture, but I love it. It perfectly depicts our first up-close look at the Eiffel Tower. It was a beautiful day. We were weary from travel, but the tower? It perked us right up -- what with its grandeur and iconic nature and all.

Sterling and I never intended to institute a graduation trip "tradition." Even now, I'm not entirely sure that's what to call it. I got lucky last summer and was able to present a paper on Dickens at a conference in England at the beginning of July, and it seemed like a fine idea to bring just-graduated Jordan along. Plus, having her company was way more fun for me. We looked around London for a few days, took a train south for the conference, and then chunneled our way to Paris. ​

Despite tiny airplane seats, an entire jet-lagged day spent wandering London (before our hotel room was ready), squishy subway cars, and one very drafty, extremely moldy hotel experience, the trip was a smashing success. Here's why:​

• ​One on one time with Jordan. This was our last summer before she left for college, and it helped ease my have-I-really-done-everything-I-could-as-a-parent anxieties. Not that traveling abroad is a necessary part of the parenting experience in any way, but in the busyness of graduation and prom and college prep, we had plenty of time to contemplate and discuss family life and friends and her adulthood. Gulp.
• Travel experience. We took multiple planes, trains, subways, and taxis on this trip. We had to navigate a number of public transportation systems, one with instructions only in French. By the end of the trip Jordan was a pro, which gave her a much-needed boost of confidence for traveling alone once she left for college. On her first trip home from BYU (at Thanksgiving), her flight was delayed and she missed her connection in Denver. She had to take a shuttle 20 minutes away from the airport to a hotel, spend the night, and then make her way back to the airport the next morning -- alone. She was, rightfully, nervous but managed the logistics easily.
• ​And, of course, it was an exciting introduction to both the thrilling highs and grouchy lows of adventurous undertakings. One of my concerns for my children as they leave home is that they learn to be happy -- to make themselves happy despite their immediate circumstances. I think a big part of that is understanding how to enjoy the journey. The destination itself is important, don't get me wrong, but the bulk of the trip is comprised of getting there. You have to learn to smile at the tired toddler who is encroaching deeply into your already-limited airplane leg room. You have to search out a side-street ice cream shop to break up a long walk back to your room. You have to appreciate the brightly painted doors, or the quaint tea shops, or the unexpectedly fabulous Italian restaurant at the end of the street where your less-than-ideal hotel room waits for you. I want them to find happiness and satisfaction in all of that. And that analogy seems to pop up often while traveling.

Perhaps I'm fumbling the sentiment here. What I wanted to teach Jordan is aptly expressed in one of my favorite quotes by Jenkin Lloyd Jones:​

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” 

P.S. Madison and I are planning a grad trip to NYC in July. I'm thinking of a VRBO in Brooklyn and some Broadway shows. Any suggestions from New Yorkers out there?​

Surf & turf

When we first heard that we were moving to Australia last year, Greg put "learn to surf" high on his list of things he wanted to do. Never mind that we would live two hours inland. Or that we didn't have any equipment. Or know-how. Details!

It took him almost a year to get us out there but over ANZAC Day weekend last week we finally got the chance to give it a try. ​It was a beautiful autumn day at Narrawallee Beach: gentle, learner-perfect waves and surprisingly warm water.

We found a guy (this terrific and pretty hilarious surfing coach) to come meet us on the beach and put us through the paces, from warm-up stretches to sand-surfing to catching waves. 

In the middle of the day, I realized that we had hit upon the ideal mid-stage family activity: not surfing specifically, but learning something new together. The key? It was something where we all were equally, flailingly, hilariously novices.  No one was the boss or the expert (well, except Simon the coach. And he was good at being bossy, believe me.) It was in no one's wheelhouse, no one's turf. Just a bunch of newbies out trying something new together; no winners or losers, only cheers for anyone who made the slightest progress or caught the littlest bit of wave.

To G's delight, I think we're hooked. The surf school was getting rid of this season's wetsuits so we ended up getting one for each of us at a great price. (And, as an added bonus, we can all dress up as the Incredibles for Halloween in our matchy-matchy gear. Or not.)​  Next up...what? Golf? Archery? Ceramics? Cricket? There are so many things we don't have a clue how to do it's hard to know where to begin.

[By the way, you've probably noticed by now that I am not featured in my wetsuit glory in any of these photos. Yes--and I guess this might water down my point a bit--in truth I was that mom. The one sitting out, taking the pictures and watching. I wholeheartedly agree with the get in the picture movement but let me just say, here and now, that on this particular morning I was delighted--THRILLED--to be documenting this.  I was perfectly content wandering the beach, reading in my beach chair, and cheering everyone on.  But I will say this: Next time I'll definitely surf. And now I've got my own supersuit.]

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If you're in this part of the world (after you come and have a chat with me, of course), consider heading to Mollymook, Ulladulla and Narrawallee beaches on the South Coast. We found a great little cottage just a couple of blocks off the beach via Stayz. We ate at the classic beachside diner at Mollymook and strolled through the shops and cafes of the lovely historic hillside town of Milton. It was early in the off-season and we felt like we pretty much had this whole lovely area to ourselves!

Let's play

My husband's family is big into game playing -- card games, board games, lawn games . . . you name it and they are interested in playing it. And even though my own family was not much for games, I can boast that I introduced the husband's competitive family to their all-time favorite family card game -- a game we call Oh Hell (or Oh Heck for the kiddies). I think if you added up all the hours we've spent playing Oh Hell, it might tally somewhere near six and a half months. That's a lot of card playing folks.

My point is that playing strategic or thought-provoking games with older kids is a great way to spend time together as a family. Heck, my kids' strategy skills can often run circles around my supposedly-educated 42 year old mind. ​There's nothing that boosts one's ego quite like having your twelve-year-old trick you into playing your trump cards too early. And when my ego gets bruised? SOMEONE'S GETTING GROUNDED.

A few years ago our family friends, the Pearsons, taught us a great big kid/adult game called Celebrity. It's fun, fast-paced, engenders some interesting conversations, and puts kids and adults on a fairly level playing field. It's great for big groups (like 10-25), and you'll learn a thing or two about teen culture to boot. Just you wait.​

Here's how to play (well, our version anyway):​

1. Divide your group into two teams. You can number off, play boys vs. girls, or even kids vs. adults. [Note: the kids will likely be better at this so choose your team wisely.]
2. Pass out strips of paper and pens. Have each player take three strips, write the name of one celebrity on each strip (living or dead, fictional or real), fold up the strip, and place it in a large bowl.​
3. Round one: Team One selects one player to pull strips from the bowl. The selected player gives clues to help her team members guess the celebrity. She can say anything EXCEPT for the name on the strip. Her turn lasts for one minute (use your iphone timer). She has ONE pass* (this is important). After her minute is up, count how many strips she and her team guessed correctly and score it on a piece of paper. (Don't put the strips back in the bowl.) Take turns between teams (rotate through the person giving the clues), guessing the names in one minute intervals until all of the strips have been used.
4. Put all of the strips back in the bowl.​
5. Round two. This works exactly like round one: take turns between teams, each team gets one minute per turn, guess as many names as you can, score each turn, EXCEPT this round you can't use any words, ONLY actions.​ Like charades. 
6. Once you've been through all the strips a second time, put them back in the bowl.​
7. Round three. This final round works like round one (as you might have guessed), EXCEPT the player up to bat can only say ONE WORD. That's it. They get one word, and the team has to guess ​the celebrity from ONE WORD ONLY. (We've had near family feuds when certain persons used terms like 'french fry' as one word -- when that is clearly TWO WORDS!!!!!!)

And that's it. The team with the most points/correct guesses at the end of three rounds is the winner. You'll learn a lot about what authors/singers/tv characters/world leaders your kids are thinking about. Plus, acting out Danny Tanner is just good fun no matter the age.​

* A word on the "pass." Especially in the first round you might not recognize all of the "celebrities," particularly if someone is uncooperative and puts "ketchup" on one of their strips (ahem, Sterling).​ You get one pass. After that you might need to be creative. Resort to a "sounds like" or "looks like." And when someone tries to pass two in one turn . . . get really hysterical and start yelling about how the world is vastly unfair. That's totally allowed.

Any other fun games out there?​

Traintripping

And there is the headlight, shining far down the track, glinting off the steel rails that,
​like all parallel lines, will meet in infinity, which is after all where this train is going
​​- Bruce Catton

​(Posters by MIchael Schwab and Arnold Worldwide Partners)

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the memorable cross-country train trip I took with my son Sam when he was 11.  (See this post for more about that trip.) Together we became train converts on that adventure and it looks like we're not alone in our fandom: train ridership is at record levels this year in the US. If you're considering a trip, here are some of the nitty-gritty details of train travel with kids and teens.

When you book online with Amtrak, you can choose either coach seats or sleeping "roomettes" that have comfy recliners by day and fold-down bunks by night. When we went, we opted for the cheaper coach seats for the first night on the Lakeshore Limited (Boston-->Chicago) and beds for the next two nights on the Southwest Chief (Chicago-->LA). 

The coach seats are wide recliners with a nice stretch of leg room. I found it to be more comfortable than a red-eye plane flight but I'm not sure I would have wanted to do more than one night that way.​ ​"Recliner" might be a little generous. More like "slight-tilters."

​Amtrak coach seats

Though booking a room (Amtrak calls them "roomettes") on the sleeping car is more expensive, roomettes also include three meals a day in the dining car, access to showers, fresh towel and linens, and personal attendant service (turn-down, newspapers, coffee/bottled water, make-up bed).  There are limited roomettes on each train, though, so be sure to book early if you know that's the way you want to go.

​Playing games in the roomette

What does that look like, pricewise? If we were doing this same trip next month (one night in coach seats, two nights in a roomette) it looks like the cost for the two of us combined would be $656 one way (and doing the whole trip in coach seats would only be $327 for both of us).  Compared to driving that distance (including gas, lodging, food) it's definitely a bargain. While it's true that compared to flying it's not really much cheaper, we were really in it for the adventure factor as well as the transportation so it was still worth it for us. 

The dining car

If you have a little more time or want to see more of the country, Amtrak has a fantastic rail passes program, much like the Eurail passes in Europe. You can get unlimited Amtrak coach seat tickets for 15 days/8 segments for $439 for adult, $220 for kids. (They also have 30-day and 45-day options.) Wouldn't that be a fun backpacking adventure for a graduation present?!

​What to take (besides the usual):
​
​- a pillow and an extra blanket, especially if you're in seats overnight (they're provided in the sleeping cars).
​- games and decks of cards. It's fun to go to the observation car and strike up a game with another family, too.
​- books galore (my Kindle really came in handy that trip so I didn't have to lug lots of books).
​​- a map to trace your trek, or you could stitch your route on a map as you go like this.
​​- I recommend this book, which gives a nice overview of what you're seeing out the window all along the way.
​-​ comfortable clothes for lounging in (and remember pajamas/robe suitable for dashing down the hall to the restroom if you're in a roomette).
​​- you can bring electronics--and there are plugs available for charging--but there's no wi-fi, at least when we went. I found it to be a great excuse to take a break from all that connectivity for a few days. (You can hop off and access wi-fi at stations along the way.)
​​- stamps to mail home postcards from each station (You can even make a book of them when you get back home if you're so inclined.)
​​- a willingness to go with the flow and enjoy the journey. Really, that's the whole point, right?

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Intrigued by the idea? Here's some more information to get you started:​

Check out Amtrak's America by Rail blog.​

​​If you just know you want a train adventure but don't know where, here are five best train trips in the US.

​​If you're not sure about a longer train adventure, here are some of the best "starter" train route suggestions.​
​
​Things to do on train layovers. Plus, those beautiful train stations are all worth a look themselves!

​LA's Union Station

Finally, a few tunes to get you in the train state of mind:
​Feist & Ben Gibbard : Train Song​
​Johnny Cash : Folsom Prison Blues
​Simon & Garfunkel: Homeward Bound (did you know it was written in a train station?)

​Chicago's Union Station

Tradition!

Sterling and I spent Thursday through Saturday afternoon chaperoning a church youth trip. It was a great experience, but by Saturday night we were beat. I half-heartedly asked the kids if they really NEEDED the traditional Easter egg hunt, because, I was thinking that I couldn't possibly summon the energy to find the eggs, stuff the eggs, and then hide the eggs early in the morning. Turns out they did NEED the hunt, and I had to soldier on. As Sterling and I sat filling plastic eggs at 11 PM, he turned to me and said, "I think we are the only parents in America still hiding eggs for teenagers."​

His statement gave me pause. You see, I'm torn between the freedom of letting the traditions fall by the wayside and the need to hold onto them like a tenacious pit bull. I could go either way -- depending on the day. Annie's post yesterday on "secure bases" immediately made me think of holiday traditions. There is definitely comfort in reenacting celebrations each year. I think that's primarily why Rebecca was adamant we have the Easter egg hunt. With Madison accepted to college and Jordan leaving for France, things are changing pretty rapidly in our family at the moment. I think for Rebecca, it's important to celebrate the sameness -- to reinforce that her life will remain stable and secure here at home. (Or I could be making all of this up because I'm no psychology expert). Regardless, Jordan called up from college lamenting that she wouldn't be hunting with us this year. And let me be clear, our "hunt" is a seven minute walk through our tiny backyard where the kids pick up Reeses peanut butter cups and bite-size Snickers encased in plastic eggs. What is there to miss?

For Easter dinner we were invited, along with my two brothers and sister (and their families), to my parents' house. In discussing the menu I told my mom I would really like to have some Pink Fluff. My mom made a face, as if Pink Fluff was made of a mixture of mold, toe cheese, and ear wax, when, in actuality, it's comprised of jello, cool whip, grapes, coconut, and mandarin oranges. Admittedly, our foodie family has bypassed the days of jello. But I remember many a year that the Pink Fluff graced our Sunday dinner table, and I wanted to revisit those cool whipped-days of yore.​

I suppose there is probably some happy middle ground wherein we keep the traditions that are especially meaningful, while creating new traditions that are suited to older kids. For a few years we held a family game night on Sunday evenings. The last two winters we've taken our kids on a family ski trip. Now that we have drivers, the girls do an all day, sisters-only, back-to-school shopping trip, wherein they can try on every last pair of skinny jeans at the mall without their mother's head exploding. See? Something for everyone!

What about you? Any ideas for fun big kid traditions?​

All aboard

One summer a handful of years ago, the stars happened to align spectacularly. My cousin was getting married in California but, with work and camp schedules restricting the rest of the family, Sam (then 11) and I were the only ones able to attend.  We joked about taking the train.  Ha, ha, ha! Boston to LA. That would be so... And then, wide-eyed, we looked at each other, looked at the calendar, looked at the map and realized that we really could take the train across the country.

​Boston train station

I booked an overnight train (with sitting up seats) for the first leg from Boston to Chicago. We spent about 8 hours in Chicago (a post for another day) and then boarded a sleeping car for the next leg from Chicago to LA. Mel, the dining car host, would announce our seating time in his game show voice three times a day. We ate on white linen tablecloths in the dining car, read our stacks of books, played endless games of Scrabble, slept on our pull-out bunks to the gentle rock of the train, and hung out in the observation car with its wide walls of windows.

The views out those windows! From New England’s green tree tunnels to New Mexico’s barren beauty to California’s slow return back to green, we bore witness to the country’s sea-to-shining-seas acreage and seams. (Come on, everyone sing in chorus: This land was made for you and me…) Of course it wasn’t all fabulous vistas, though. At times it was like traveling across America’s backyard--abandoned cars and trash heaps and all—which was its own kind of fascinating.

The magic of spending that stretch of time with Sam was especially vivid for me, knowing that he would soon leave boyhood behind for the oversized shoes of teenhood.​

 Those days--suspended as they were in time and between home and destination, the Atlantic and Pacific, childhood and other--were breathtaking on so many levels. Reverent, even.  I remember a lump in my throat as we crossed to California, my travel buddy reading in the seat across from me. I wasn’t ready for it to end. But then, I never am.

Arrived! Santa Monica Pier

Some of our favorite things about the train adventure:

1. The train station architecture at each stop
2. Beautiful vistas and wildlife as you cross the nation’s backyard
3. Reading and games and relaxation and napping
4. The pace (and limited internet connection gets everyone off devices)
5. The dining car and white linen service
6. Daydreaming while looking out of the windows
7. One-on-one time
8. Sleeping cars and the gentle rock of the train as it travels over the rails
9. The sound of the train whistle
10. No big security rigmarole, no driving fatigue

p.s. It doesn't have to be a cross-country trip (the stars really did impossibly align for this time). Just a day trip or an overnighter would be a terrific way to spend some undivided time together. If you’re considering venturing on the train (and I really think you won’t regret it), watch for another post soon with nitty gritty info & hints for train travel.