Alternative cinema for big kids

Now and then, we're ready for a little variety for our movie nights at home. Luckily, there are a lot of treasures out there if you're willing to go a little further off the beaten path. Here are a couple of movies that were hits for both grown-ups and big kids/teens at our house: 

Children of Heaven (1997)

A nine-year-old Iranian boy accidentally loses his sister's only pair of shoes on the way home from the shoe repair shop. In order to avoid getting in trouble (or cause more expense for their poor family), Ali and his sister, Zohre, decide to keep it a secret and come up with a solution of their own. They share his sneakers: she wears them to school in the morning, he wears them to school in the afternoon. When a race is announced, Ali decides to enter in order to win one of the prizes, a pair of sneakers.

Set aside any reservations you might have about your kids reading subtitles or being able to identify with a brother and sister in Iran. The director Majid Majidi manages to create a magical, engaging, simple story that is universal. Love between brother and sister. Joy in daily life. Wanting something really badly. Seeing needs beyond your own. Plus, in his review of Children of Heaven, Roger Ebert said, "My guess is that the race and its outcome will be as exciting for many kids as anything they've seen at the movies."

One of my favorite things about this movie is that it is about childhood. Not about kids doing adult things or about animals talking or about superheroes...it's about children navigating their childhoods. This is a great springboard to discussions in your family about comparing your own life with another culture (both similarities and differences), responsibility, family relationships, compassion, and caring for others.

(Watch it on instant queue ​via Netflix.)

Good for:
about seven and up (or younger, if you don't mind reading the subtitles out loud for non-readers)

Not for:
I honestly can't think of anyone this isn't for.

Questions to get you started talking:
What do the shoes symbolize? What do you think happened after the end? What would you have done if you lost the shoes?

Notes:
-Though filmed in the 90s, the cinematography has the feel of a 1960s or 1970s film.
-It was nominated for an Academy Award for best foreign film in 1998 but lost to Life is Beautiful.
-The movie had a budget of less than $200,000. Amazing!

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For kids a bit older:
​Charade (1963)​

​Sometimes at our house it's hard to find a movie that will please everyone--one that is complex and emotional and visually pleasing enough (and not too scary, please) for Maddy, 17,  and that is also exciting and funny and suspenseful enough for Sam, 14. (How's that for being gender stereotypical--but what can you do? That's really what they each look for in a movie.) Charade definitely fit the bill for both.

Starring Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn, it's a Hitchcock-style (though not actually directed by Hitchcock) suspense thriller with lots of plot twists. The story centers around the murder of Hepburn's husband, a large amount of money, and trying to figure out if Cary Grant is trustworthy or not.  By the way, I challenge you not to hum the theme song for several days afterwards.

(Look! Hulu shows it for free.)​

Good for:​
​everyone around 12 and up who likes a bit of suspense and intrigue.

Not for:​
​younger kids (those murders and all, you know). You might want to watch the trailer (or preview the movie) if you're wondering whether it's right for your house.

Questions to get you started talking:
​How do you know who to trust? Topics: loyalty and trust, greed, integrity.​

Notes:​
​-goofs: during the Seine cruise, the boat passes the same building twice. Ha!
​​-nominated for an Oscar for Best Original Song. 

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Have you and your family enjoyed any off-the-beaten-path movies lately? 

A few good gems

First of all, a big THANK YOU for the warm welcome we've received over the past couple of weeks with this here new blog. We've been so buoyed by the reception we've received and the feedback here in this wonderful world of the web. No, seriously, thank you. You make a couple of gals want to sing a rousing rendition of "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You" but instead--here, these lanterns are for you:

Thomas Cooper Gotch, The Lantern Parade, via

Also? ​Here are few things that caught our eye this week that we thought we'd pass along:

An interesting study interviewing 18- to 25-year-olds revealed five key factors that make girls & women less likely to want to run for office someday.

Cool Mom Picks ran an article about self-respect underwear that totally fooled me! 

Did you see the NY Times Haiku generator? It creates haikus from the day's news stories and interviews, like this one:

These adaptations of the classic hotel key tags would be a fun gift for a new driver--or just for a family set of house keys (via Swiss Miss).

Why your children should do chores (as if we needed convincing!). This Boston Globe magazine article takes a cue from history on the capabilities of children to do work. 

​Are there any fans of the podcast/radio show Radiolab in your house? (It's a staple around here.) Then you'll love this interactive Radiolab sound effects gallery. 

And have you gotten into The Lizzie Bennet Diaries? If you have a pre-teen or teenage girl, chances are you've heard of it. It's a modern, online adaptation of Pride and Prejudice via videos, twitter, and tumblr. (They posted their final, 100th episode last week so it's ripe for enjoying all the way through.)

​Happy weekend!

Secure base, activate

We've probably all heard about "attachment" by now, especially in terms of the connection between parents and young children. This concept shows up when babies are under stress and they reach out to get comfort and assurance by connecting with someone they love and trust (usually it's the mama but it can also be the dad or another caregiver). 

[To study attachment relationships, there's a classic experiment called the "strange situation" where a young child is placed in a room with a parent (typically mother) and some fun toys. Then a series of things happen, spaced a minute or two apart: a stranger comes in and sits down, the mother gets up and leaves, the mother comes back in.   While children differ widely on the specifics of their responses, researchers have found that securely attached children move closer to, touch, or glance at their mothers--their "secure base"--when the stranger comes in. They're checking in with the person they trust to make sure their safety is assured. If they're upset or stressed they go to their "secure base" for comfort and security.]

Remember Dumbo and his mother?​ That's some good secure base seeking right there:

The song Dumbo's mommy sings to him. This is one of my favorite disney scenes of all time and it makes me cry everytime i watch it. In English.

While the attachment research is mostly centered around younger kids, I've noticed (very unscientifically, mind you) that it exists in older kids and teens when they're under stress as well. I'm convinced that we're still their secure bases; it just shows up differently! The stresses are less frequently about physical safety but more often about emotional and social and academic security.

For instance: secure base texting. Sometimes--not always--I'll get a text in the middle of the day from one of my kids: a test has gone badly, someone said something mean, an injustice needs to be righted. They just want to reach out, connect, and be reassured. They want their mom.  A couple of exchanged texts and reassurances later and they're on their way again. Straight-up secure base action.

(Once I was at a conference and got a funny text from my daughter that said just this, in all sincerity:​  Mom! If y=2, what's x?   One of my all-time favorites.)

Another example: secure base venting. Sometimes big kids save all the grit and stress of their day just for us. Have you noticed this?! They wear a mask of cheerfulness (hey, sometimes!) and competence and even cool all day long and then, to ​our utter delight, when they get home to our safe nests they vent and unload the whole mess of stress. In the process, quite often they feel better and we feel worse. They need someplace safe, a secure base to do this. You're it! Consider it a high compliment.  (And if you find yourself getting sucked into the stress of it all, go ahead and call your secure base and then carry on.) 

Have you noticed this phenomenon or is it just me? ​Where else have you seen it happen? I'd love more examples to support my theory so please chime in...

The checkmarks

That last post (specifically the part about sitting through years and years of school concerts, which--I should add--I really do mostly love) stirred my memory of a funny Sarah Vowell piece about lessons she learned through band and music in junior high.​  I went and looked it up and, sure enough, I think her fourth lesson especially applies here:

Tuba player from Butte Montana, via

"Lesson number four, when doves cry. From the time I was 12 until I finished high school at 18, my poor parents' calendar was blackened by an ambitious roster of concerts and recitals averaging at least one per month. They were always so gushy in their support it never dawned on me that they might have preferred to avoid junior high school gymnasium performances of the theme from Rocky. They acted as though their world revolved around my sister and me, and that's what we believed.

"But I remember one night after an eighth grade band concert, I caught a glimpse of pencil marks on my father's rolled up program. He told me that he checked each movement of each piece off as they ended.

[LAUGHTER]

"Obviously because he was counting the seconds until he could go home. And at the time, I took it badly. I was offended that he had so little regard for the seriousness of our interpretation of "What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor?" But now I see those pathetic little check marks as heart-shaped symbols of his love. Everyone says that love requires the utmost honesty, but that's not entirely true. Once I knew that my father was suffering for my sake, really suffering, I learned that love, especially the parental kind, requires the heartwarming sacrifice that can only accompany fake enthusiasm.

- ​from This American Life, episode 104. Listen here. Transcript here.