Book review: John Green's Paper Towns

I'm a tad disturbed that my blog editor won't let me italicize Paper Towns in the title of this post. The English teacher in me feels something akin to fingernails screeching down a chalkboard. But let's move on, shall we?

I bought Paper Towns way back in September while looking around for some solid teen reading for Becca. I was intrigued by The Fault in Our Stars, so decided to give Green another go. By the way, have you seen John Green and his brother Hank as the Vlogbrothers on YouTube? I've seen a few of their clips, and I'm super impressed with how fast John can talk. It's really, really fast and random, which I quite enjoy.

The story of Paper Towns is actually told from the perspective of an 18-year-old boy -- a boy who (of course) is in love with a girl, who is way out of his league. The literary critic in me needs to tell you that Green tends to beat you over the head thematically. He's leaving nothing to chance -- he's spelling out his main points. But the parent in me likes the straightforward, hopeful text about teen angst and self-discovery and the attempt to understand others. And, fear not, there is a subtext in there for us old timers as well. 

Quentin, the narrator is unbelievably mature, self-aware, and an astute reader of Walt Whitman -- all characteristics focused, of course, towards the quest for his lady love. And yes, there is a coming of age, in a very existential, intellectualized sort of way. Here's the crux of it:

Each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And these things happen--these people leave us, or don't love us, or don't get us, or we don't get them, and we lose and fail and hurt one another. And the vessel starts to crack open in places. And I mean, yeah, once the vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable. [. . .] But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And it's only in that time that we can see one another, because we see out of ourselves through our cracks and into others through theirs. When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out (Green 302).

And . . . here's John Green's summary of the novel:

I'm going to have to go all fan-girl on you right now and express my love for John Green and his novel. It's timely and relevant and oddly touching. And as a mom of teens, I'm interested in his perspective and how teens respond to his work. Both Becca and Madison have copies, and as soon as I have their honest-to-goodness teen review I'll get back to you.

In the meantime I'm moving on to Looking for Alaska and An Abundance of Katherines.

Talking your kids down from the research paper ledge

It happens at least a few times a year for most older students. A research paper.  A big project. Some assignment where they need to reach into their brains, pull out a cohesive argument and supporting points, and commit it all to paper. 

Oh, if only it were that simple, right? I remember a passage in Anne Lamott's excellent book about writing (and life), Bird by Bird. It's the experience that gave the book its name:

"...thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he'd had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother's shoulder, and said, "Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird."

The Little Table by Alberto Morrocco

Her point in the book is that writing is a little by little, incremental proposition, which is painfully true. My purpose for quoting it here is this: often we the parents are the ones who talk our kids down from the writing ledge when they're at home, stuck in the process and banging their heads on the table. As my kids have gotten older their need for this kind of pep talk has gotten less frequent but now and then I still feel like I need to put on my coach hat and give some moral support. At this stage this has meant less "bird by bird, buddy" and more being a sounding board armed with some good questions to help them get unstuck. 

Recently someone recommended a book--Engaging Ideas, by John C. Bean--intended to help professors coach their students in deepening their thinking and writing. It's given me a lot to think about not just professionally but also at home. I think his tips are equally terrific as helps for parents in supporting their kids' writing without interfering with the writing itself. For example:

If ideas are thin:

- Encourage your writer to make an idea map and brainstorm for more ideas
- Play devil's advocate and help the writer deepen and complicate the ideas
- Encourage the writer to add more examples, better details, more supporting data or arguments

If you get lost in the paper's thoughts or organization :

- Ask the writer to talk through the ideas to clear up confusing spots
- Help the writer sharpen the thesis by seeing it as his (the writer's) answer to a tough question; get the student to articulate the question that the thesis answers
- Make an outline or, even better, a tree diagram together to help with organization
- Help the writer clarify the focus by asking him to complete these starter phrases:
  "My purpose in writing this paper is..."
  "Before reading my paper, my readers will think this way about my topic: __________;      
  but after reading my paper, my readers will think this different way about my  
  topic:_______.
- Show the writer where you get confused ("I started to get lost here..." "I thought you were going to say x but you said y here...")
- Show the student how to write transitions between major sections and between paragraphs

If it's hard to see the point:

- Nudge the writer to articulate meaning by asking "so what" questions: "I understand what you're saying but don't quite understand why you're saying it." "What do these facts have to do with your thesis?" (adapted from p. 307)

. . .

Do you have any tips or experiences to share about kids and writing and homework? Recently I said all the wrong things, accidentally stressed more than helped (which sent me on the search through this book for help) and had to ask for a do-over. 

On a related note, last year I wrote this post on figuring out the right amount of help with homework by asking what do you want? what don't you want?

A few good gems

Friday greetings!! This has been an exceptionally cold week in Houston, and while the temps don't seem to be rising, I'm looking forward to burying into my warm covers on Saturday morning. With soup. And hot chocolate. And yes, I'm a messy eater.

Moving on . . . Despite my Valentine link party on Wednesday, I've managed to scare up a few more good gems since the Internet is chock-full of fascinating tidbits that take me away from academic writing. Thank you Internet.

I've seen recommendations for the app Waterlogue on all types of social media. I'm a sucker for a fun app, and I'm anxious to try printing some of my creations. Here's what I like to call Indie Reclining:

My friend Kate sent me a link to this interesting article about adolescence and just how very, very, very difficult the whole stage is on PARENTS. Yes, poor us. Thanks Kate!

This recipe for Warm Winter Vegetables with Farro looks tasty (and healthy). Shutterbean also has a Reset Button Salad that I really like.

via Shutterbean

We are die-hard Full House fans in this house. So, of course, I have to link to Danny, Jessie, and Joey whenever possible. Um . . . Danny doesn't look so good. (But I still love him.)

Danny Tanner, Uncle Joey, and Uncle Jesse stop by Jimmy's bedroom to teach him a life lesson about leaving "Late Night."

Love this list of 50 books written by women authors. 

And one last note of inspiration (mostly for myself), and then I'm off to contemplate the weekend. And carbs. And maybe a few more carbs. Later!

A few good gems

Happy Friday, y'all! A few of our favorite things from internet world this week:

I find these machine embroidery illustrations so inspiring:

Amanda deftly captures the moment when a child ever-so-subtly moves into the next phase.  A snippet: "I'm trying so hard to support their evolution but some days it feels like holding icicles in my hand. I am so tender, careful not to squeeze too hard...the ice melts beneath my touch, the shape constantly changing."

What's your Starbucks name? This article reminded me of a silly tradition we started at some point in the last ten years. When we visit a restaurant/cafe that asks for a name for our order, we take turns supplying some crazy fake name. There's something satisfyingly insubordinate about it. 

YES to this piece on Diana Nyad and the documentary The Other Shore. This part so resonated with me that it's kicked me back into gear on some of my "other shore" goals: "One day she woke up and felt the weight of an incomplete life. It was that simple. Something was missing. To hell with lost time. Because sometimes the only way to get rid of the haunting is to strap yourself to the ghost." What's your "other shore"?
 

via OWN

My mom sent me this wise, tender, and practical article on the ministry of presence and how those of us outside of the zone of trauma and loss can better communicate with those who are smack in the center of it. 

Oh, I love La Blogotheque's Take Away Shows series. As their website puts it, they "film beautiful, rare, and intimate sessions with your favorite artists, and the ones you are soon to fall in love with." Check out Of Monsters and Men, Emiliana Torrini, the Lumineers and the first one I ever saw, My Brightest Diamond's lullaby to her son, I Have Never Loved Someone (which I have probably already posted here but here goes again):

My Brightest Diamond | I Have Never Loved Someone | A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

This would be fun and easy to make for Valentines Day. I'm thinking you could just as easily use a heart-shaped cookie cutter and embroidery hoop:

Via Pinterest, where the link to the original is broken. Anyone know where this came from?

Happy weekend, all!  Hope it's filled with some rest, some get-'er-done, and many good things. And a little silliness. See you back here on Monday.

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Reading: Anna Quindlen's new novel, Still Life with Breadcrumbs. Also the always inspiring, kick-in-the-pants Steal Like an Artist (Austin Kleon). 

Eating: these coconut chicken tenders were a huge hit here. Also, I'm suddenly a huge edamame fan. It's my favorite snack right now.

Listening to: San Fermin's Sonsick and Oh Darling. 

And what are you reading/eating/listening to these days? Do share!

Daring to (let your kids) fail

Dare to Fail print by Lisa Mann Dirkes

There is a well-worn chapter in a book I love. The book automatically flips open to it, proof of the many times I have returned there for a pep talk. It's the chapter "The Blessing of Problems to Solve," from Wendy Mogel's fantastic parenting tome--drawn from both parenting research and Jewish traditional teachings--called The Blessing of a B Minus. I don't happen to be Jewish but that detail doesn't really matter here; the wisdom in the book transcends religious affiliation and speaks to the heart of parenting teens (and if you were a very early Nest & Launch reader, you might remember I also reviewed the book here).

A while back someone wrote in to us with a question about what to do when your child fails or is going through a rough patch: "I have awesome kids, but even so, sometimes they fail at something. It is bad enough when MY best isn't good enough, but I can hardly take it when their best isn't good enough for something they really want to do."  I've started to draft several responses but then I realized that this chapter nails it and applies really well to the reader's question about how we as parents can respond to our children's problems and failures.  Here are a few highlights:

"If we want to raise young adults who know how to solve problems, we must let them have problems to solve while they are still adolescents. Yet it's harder and harder to find parents willing to expose their children to difficulty. More often, parents keep their teens busy in adult-supervised activities so there is no time for trouble, or rush in to solve problems instead of leaving the solution in their teens' shaky hands...

"How to strike the right balance between appropriate guidance and restraint? The story of the Israelites' trip out of slavery in Egypt offers some clues.

"The book of Exodus describes the quality of God's presence during the Israelites' travels as a 'pillar of cloud by day...and a pillar of fire by night.' This beautiful image is a model for parents whose children are wandering in the wilderness of adolescence. Like God, you stand by, providing shade and light when needed, but mostly you stand back...you give him the freedom to make mistakes, even big ones.

I love that image of parenting--cloud and fire, shade and light. Mogel gives the following strategies for parents when their kids are faced with problems or failure (and each are described further in the book):

- Give them good suffering
- Wait it out
- Be empathic, not entangled
- Normalize setbacks
- Encourage them to enlist the aid of other adults
- Demonstrate confidence in your teen's problem-solving skills
- Distinguish dramas from emergencies
- When they create their own problems, let them experience the consequences
- Be a counselor, not a servant

"Our challenge as parents is to foster a loving attachment to teenagers' large spirits and ragged souls but stand slightly apart from their daily theatrics...the rhythms of parent-teen relationships change every day, which means you will succeed today and screw up tomorrow.

"Expect to be confused. Expect your sleep to be disturbed...Remind yourself, daily if you have to, that we serve our teens best not as active protectors or problem solvers but as tender, compassionate, composed listeners..." 

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Okay, friends, we're going to be trying out a MWF posting schedule for the next while so Sarah and I can each make a dent in our academic writing loads. In the meantime, we'll continue to share good finds and links on our Facebook page throughout the week.  You can follow us by liking our page there. Okay, over and out.

A few good gems

Wishful thinking. Image by Philipp Reiner

Hi all. We are expecting a "wintry mix" (shouldn't that be 'wintery'?) of precipitation tonight, which means my kids are expecting the day off from school tomorrow. I'm thinking they may just get their wish, since even one teeny, tiny flake of ice  in Houston SHUTS DOWN THE ENTIRE CITY. And . . . sleeping in would be a-okay with me as well. 

Regardless of weather, let's get this weekend started right. I really slaved over these links, because you know how I hate surfing the Internet and all. BUT SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT!

This Op-doc video, Sarah's Uncertain Path, is a powerful look at a pregnant teenager in impoverished, rural Missouri.

I've seen lots of heartwarming stories of adoption of the Internet as of late. Read this incredible story of a woman who has adopted five children from Tanzania (and started an orphanage as well). I've also been following global adoptions on this blog and . . . here.

George Eliot is my very favorite Victorian-era writer. I'm sorta like a George Eliot groupie. I just saw this book review, and my Amazon trigger finger is itching.

I loved this essay of all the places Katherine Coplen has lived. I don't know Katherine, but I appreciate her chronicle of college-priced housing. My favorite line described her third residence: "There were three bedrooms of varying sizes and shapes. One had a door both to the hallway and the kitchen (a snack door, obviously)." I read that and thought maybe we were related. Because I really like snacks.

Somewhere, in the vast recesses of Facebook, I came across a recommendation for a little app called Duolingo. Now I'm obsessed and have to set a timer to limit my duolingo time. Duolingo offers courses in Italian, German, French, Spanish and Portuguese. I'm working on French, natch. You can play/learn online or on your smartphone.

Becca likes to take a granola bar to school everyday to eat after track. I always feel a little bad packing them because they seem mostly like junk food. Going to try these for next week. 

Going to whip up this Winter Citrus Salad for lunch this week. 

I know my kids are older, but who wouldn't enjoy a woodland creature bookmark? WHO? 

And on that note (the woodland creature note), I'm out of here. The Saratov Approach finally comes to Houston this weekend, so you'll find me there!

A few good gems

Welcome to Friday, the gateway to the weekend! It's sweltering here in Australia so we've been finding ways to keep cool, which mostly means standing in front of the air conditioner and chain eating cold grapes straight from the fridge.  And scouting out some cool things on the internet, just for you:

London-based photographer Chino Otsuka's "Imagine Finding Me" double self-portrait series (also published in a book) is delightful. She's digitally inserted herself into her own childhood photos; the result is enchanting and poignant. She says "the digital process becomes a tool, almost like a time machine, as I'm embarking on the journey to where I once belonged and at the same time becoming a tourist in my own history."  (I want to do this!). 

1982 + 2005, France

1975 + 2009, France

This article on how to handle the chaos of family life as an introverted mom had some good things to say: "I'd offer the same advice to an introverted mom that I would give to an introvert in a chaotic office environment: Make sure to schedule recharge time every day."

Jauntful is launching a fantastic new idea: a site for shareable, printable guides to the cities you love. I can't wait to try it--for sharing my favorite suggestions and haunts in places I've lived and visited AND (especially!) finding others' best picks. I've just signed up for the preview when they're ready and you can, too (via Swiss Miss).

photo via Jauntful

I  adore the huge monthly calendars and New Year's resolution posters Brittany (The House that Lars Built) created and posted for downloading (they're free!). Brilliant and big enough for all and sundry appointments, etc. I just sent the first couple of months to the printing store here.

Photo by Trisha Zemp via The House That Lars Built 

Send a traditional, classic telegram! I love this idea for when you can't make it to the wedding or graduation or family reunion. Also cool for a memorable Valentine message. (They also have invitation telegrams for mass mailings for weddings and parties. Love it.) I just wish the cute little hatted delivery guy brought them still.

I posted this on our Facebook page [insert unabashed invitation to come join our Facebook page here] yesterday but I'll repeat it here: I really liked what Glennon had to say about asking the right questions to improve our relationships. I think it's wise advice for any relationship but ESPECIALLY with big kids and teens. 

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In my ears:  How Come You Don't Want Me (Tegan & Sara), Let Go (RAC & MNDR), Riptide (Vance Joy), and the Fare Thee Well cover from Inside Llewyn Davis (Oscar Isaac, Marcus Mumford).

On my nightstand: The Goldfinch (Donna Tartt), This is the Story of a Happy Marriage (Ann Patchett).

Have a great weekend, all! See you back here on Monday.