Sometimes it takes me a while, but eventually I get down to the business of making lemonade out of my pile of lemons. And by lemons, I mean my kids growing up and leaving home. (I could also mention here that our AC went out over the weekend, but that would be WAY off topic.) So, my kids are living their lives far away from the family home, and while I intend to mentally sustain them by worrying incessantly and continually directing good will to their part of the universe (and sending copious care packages), I figure I best get on with the process of living.
The other day, when I was supposed to be working, I started thinking about how I need a really good farmer's market. Fresh produce. YES! Fresh, home-grown produce is just the ticket. (And no, I don't get a whole lot accomplished.) I did what any other procrastinating, bereaved woman would do -- I started googling 'farmer's market' + Houston. A pretty decent list popped up. None of the recommendations were too close to me, but, "Hey!" I thought to myself, "I have a car and no one needing a nap time." And then, THEN, this tiny sliver of light entered my consciousness. I stayed really still because mostly my consciousness has been filled with a) I'm eating too many carbs. b) How long can I put off the camp laundry? or c) I feel anxious about everything, and I can calm myself by eating carbs. Do you know what that tiny sliver of light was? The dawning realization that I can do things I want to do. Weird, huh?
This may be too much personal information for you, but let me just lay it out there for you. I went away to college when I was 18. I married (an awesome dude) at 19. I graduated from college at 21. I had my first child at 22. I had my second child at 23 (call me focused). I had my third child at 26, and my fourth at 29. Needless to say, there are no crazy, youthful days of yore. There are so many other really cool things in my past, but the time and freedom and resources to look around at the world at be amazed? Not so much.
So, maybe somewhere in all of this ending there will be some beginnings. Like me and the farmer's market. I'm making a list.
- Exercise more. I'm considering being one of those really ripped Grandma's. [Note to self: stop with the carbs already.]
- Work. Aside from teaching as part of my graduate school responsibilities, I've never really worked outside of the home. But I still want my summers off -- just sayin'.
- Read more. The other day I came home from the store to an empty house. The girls were at work, and Parker was at his cousin's. I looked to the right -- a pile of unfolded laundry. I looked to the left -- 27 glasses on the kitchen counter. But right in front? A good book I wanted to finish. And NO ONE WAS AROUND! So I plopped myself down on the couch and read. It was pretty heavenly.
- Car. I've always bought the traditional family car -- to haul my kids around. But with only two kids at home next year? I'm thinking this! Booyah!
- Kayaking. Sterling recently added two kayaks to our hoarder-garage. Early morning kayaking? Bring it on.
- Travel. Now that our kids are older (and there are less of them), it is pretty easy to just drop and go. Sterling and I have committed to no more gift giving for birthdays and anniversaries. We want experiences instead. Look for the two shaky old people on the slopes. That's us!
And really, I'm just getting started. I've always joked about moving East, wearing Birkenstocks, and throwing pottery. But now? Not so much with the joking.
Also? Raising goats. It's just a thought.